If I Had To Hazard A Guess....

......are never. NEVER. EVER. words you want to hear your doctor say. And really not about something important, like your eyes. Maybe a toe (If I had to hazard a guess, Sports Mama, I'd say the toe is broken.), but not your eyes.

I've been home sick from work all week this week. And yes, before some of you start asking... I really have been ill. However, by the time I went to bed last night I was feeling mostly like myself again. Kinda like in The Princess Bride, when they start moving again after having been "mostly dead all day".

I really should have at least had an inkling something would go wrong. When I took out my contacts to go to bed, it actually hurt to touch my right eye. But I thought it was just because my eyes were tired, maybe. Shrugged it off and got into bed. Woke up a couple of times because my eye seemed to be watering an overabundant amount (which apparently was A LOT since it WOKE ME UP), but again.... blew it off and went back to sleep.

Then this morning arrived. And I couldn't open my eye. Not due to eye boogers, or crusties or anything like that. No, still just a lot of tears. But the damn eye wouldn't open. And it hurt like a mutha! The whole eye.... the eyeball, the socket, the lid, the muscles behind it all. Oh, but then it started burning. BURNING!!! Eyes should not burn. EVER. (I know I learned at some point in my life that burning eyeballs was a bad thing. Might have been shop class, might have been Home Ec. ) Not one to just calmly lay in bed with a burning, watering eyeball, I jumped up and ran to the mirror.

It looked like I'd been punched in the face (Bug actually stated that it looked like maybe Dad had hit me in the eye with his elbow. 'Cuz we all knew that Dad wouldn't ever even accidentally punch me. But an elbow? Definitely a possibility.). My eye wouldn't open because it was swollen shut! WHAT THE HECK???

Now, here's where I can only claim temporary insanity caused no doubt by the burning in my eyeball. I decided that I had to go into the office anyway, because I'd already been out for two days. So, I bravely put my contacts in (OH MY FREAKING HELL... the burning and pain that ensued from that action alone would have made a baby out of the toughest Marine!). I even went so far as to put makeup on. Sort of. See, I couldn't *quite* bring myself to touch that eye again, so I only put makeup on the left eye. Apparently, I was quite ok with going into work, where I deal with various people all day long, looking like one of the lead characters in A Clockwork Orange. Who'd been socked in the eye. And who kept having tears running down her cheek. And then.... my insanity reached its peak.

I actually tried driving into work. People, there is a reason that they do not allow blind people to operate a motor vehicle. ITS BECAUSE THEY CAN'T SEE! I had to pull over no less than 5 times before I finally called my office to explain why I wouldn't be in AGAIN today. And I'd only made it about 10 miles. Then I turned around and drove home. Praying the whole time that I'd actually make it. Fortunately, no person, vehicle, or roadside animal was harmed in the loss of and subsequent recreation of my sanity.

Having reached my house successfully in one piece, I deduced it would be a wise idea to consult a medical professional about my eye. 'Cuz it wasn't getting any better. I also decided that it might be best if I had someone else drive me there. Because by the time I called my mother-in-law I was running into furniture in my house. That wasn't moving. So um, yeah. I wasn't going to be driving myself.

Fast forward a bit to the doctor's office. Speed through the hour wait, with fifteen screaming children (ok.. it might have been more like five. So I exaggerate *shrug*.) throwing toys around the waiting room and climbing on everything to see the clown fish in the tank. (Nemo! Dori! HI!!! I liked that movie until today.) The nurse took me back, and told me she was going to check my vision. WHAT?? I can't open the stupid eye, what makes you think I can read that chart?? Yeah.... I read the second line. F P. I think. Of course, then I had to admit that I had my contact lens in. (Yes, I was still suffering from insanity.) After *gently* telling me to remove it, she went to get the doctor. Who, after a very brief examination of my eye, said this:

If I had to hazard a guess, I'd go with its a very seldom seen, extremely dramatic case of possible pink eye. Although I'm not 100% sure, and am concerned with the suddenness it came on (remember, I woke up with it this morning), and the lack of anything oozing (nope, just copious amounts of tears).

WHAT?!? You're guessing? On a possibility? WITH MY EYE?!? He sent me home with a prescription for anti-biotic eye drops, and the advice to call him tomorrow afternoon if my eye isn't any better for a referral to an eye specialist. Oh... and not to put my contacts back in at all. Until this all clears up. Which could be days. DAYS, people!!

Yeah. Did I mention that without those little miracle eyes I'm just about legally blind? No kidding. I can't see beyond 5 inches from my nose. My kids had sooooo much fun making fun of mom tonight when I couldn't see to cook dinner (Coach did it, and did a marvelous job, too!) and couldn't see to watch TV (although I'm not quite gullible enough to believe everything they were telling me.)

So um... no more driving for me for a few days. Although, if this stupid eye is better tomorrow I'm putting those suckers back in to go to work on Friday.