When given the option to go to the other room, with a separate TV and a door that closes, to enjoy ESPN with no distractions or complaining......
...... Coach chooses to sit Right.Next.To.Me during the entire two hours of American Idol, gifting me with his melodramatic opinion of each audition.
Of all the various ways he could EARN spending money, and all the many, many people in the world he could scam, er--charm into bankrolling his social life.....
..... Jock chooses to allow and even encourage me to remain steady in my conviction that it is my greatest honor and privilege to not only pay for each and every event and activity he *grudgingly* attends (because going to the mall and the movies is oh-so-ridiculously hard on him), but to be the sole provider of the necessary taxi service he and his friends regularly utilize.
Despite having enough clothing to provide a completely new outfit every day for at least two weeks.....
....... Bug chooses to actively participate in aiding me in continuing to feel indispensable by changing clothes several times a day, and tossing each individual item of clothing to various places in his bedroom--often behind large pieces of furniture, thereby permitting me to do an invigorating search for them all each week. My loving little boy even goes one step further, by suggesting with a sing-song-y voice in a minor key (that would be the polite term for whining, I think) that I must have missed one specific shirt that He!MUST!Have! or the world will end. So really, he's helping me to save the world.
I am encouraged to do all the dinner preparations by myself. I am persuaded to do all the dinner dishes by myself. I am applauded for successful laundry completion. There is much wailing and gnashing of teeth when I am under the weather, because who else in the house is as capable as I am of taking care of my boys? (All three of them, for the record) My thoughtful and loving boys have even been supportive of my efforts to ensure the dogs don't starve...er, remain well fed. (Although, selfish teenager that I'm raising.... he insists on "pooper-scooper" duty all on his own! Oh yes he does! Never once suggests that it could be done more efficiently by someone else.)
Oh yeah. It's all me, baby.
And what do these bastions of selflessness ask for in return for their generosity towards me?
Why, they demand Public Displays of Affection! Hugs and kisses in front of all their friends! Coach has even expressed his extreme disappointment that I have not yet sent him a ginormous cookie basket to work, for all the other manly men to "ooh" and "ahh" over.
Ahhhh, yes. It's good to be me. Because right now? This very minute?
The Nyquil has kicked in.