Thursday, February 7, 2008

Love and Kidneys

I talk about my kids a lot. (Duh... this is a "mommy blog", that's what its for.) I talk about the things they do that make me laugh, and the things they do that make me pull my hair out. I don't think I often talk about the things they do, though, that reassure me that despite the many, many mistakes I make with them, they are still remarkably loving, giving and amazing people.

I've told you how Bug has ADHD. Among other things. And with the issues that plague him, you would assume that he would be a bitter, obnoxious, self-absorbed child. You would think that he would harbor a deep resentment of his father and I because of all the time we spend being frustrated with the situation, even though its beyond his control. (Please understand that we NEVER BLAME him for this, just that we get frustrated that we can't help him to learn how to self-moderate and manage his emotions, and that we are heartbroken that he has to live with the inner turmoil that he does on a daily basis.) But, if you were to think these things you would be wrong. So very wrong.

Bug has the single most sensitive soul I have ever encountered. Coach and I knew, just knew to the depths of our beings, when Bug came into this world he had a special purpose. I truly believe that Bug's gift is to make people aware and more tolerant of things that society as a whole tell us to disdain. He is here to shatter stereotypes and promote love and acceptance. From the moment he arrived, people around him began changing their attitudes. Coach became less worried about an image; I became less worried about needing to be the "perfect" mother.

Bug is a forgiver. Had a fight with a friend? No worries, he seems to understand that people go through moods that don't always make them easy to get along with. He'll come home with his feelings hurt, but go right back out the next day telling his dad and I that he knows they didn't mean it and were just having a bad day. And you know what? That always seems to be the case. I worry sometimes that he's just deluding himself, and letting them take advantage of him. But then I see that the really rotten kids? Never come around anymore. And the ones that we do see on a regular basis? Always seem happier the longer they know him.

Bug's forgiving nature extends to his family as well. He will forgive Jock anything. ANYTHING. Tells me all the time how it must be so hard to be a teenager, knowing that you can't be a little kid anymore and let yourself need somebody. He seems to know just when to come and hug me, telling me he loves me and he's sorry it looks like I've had a hard day. And when Coach and I get upset with something he's done (for the umpteenth time, usually), when we calm down and are able to talk it over with him.... apologizing for any behavior we know we should have controlled better.... he just says Its ok. I know its hard working with all the stuff we deal with with me.

How is it possible that a nine-year old boy has this level of wisdom?

I think it hit Coach tonight, though, just how much this boy of our is willing to forgive; how far he'll go just because he loves us. We were watching the promo for that (stupid) new reality show The Moment of Truth, and one of the questions they asked was "Would you give your dad a kidney to save his life?" We thought it was just he and I sitting there, Jock in his room and Bug down the hall playing with something or other. But then we heard this little Bug voice pipe up and say

I would.

We looked at each other, and Coach looked a little stunned. He pointed out that giving a kidney would mean that Bug would have to have surgery, a pretty major operation actually. Bug's response?

I know. But if it would save your life, Dad, I'd do it.

I love this kid. I have no idea what our lives would be like without him, and am so thankful every day that God decided that we were the family that needed him the most.


Karen said...

You have been blessed tremendously with BOTH your sons. I think that's a testament to your parenting.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

I want THAT. Two kids that are obviously outstanding is a rare thing. Bug is awesome, and so are you, Coach, and Jock.

*~*Cece*~* said...

That was such a sweet story to read. You've got a great child.

The Sports Mama said...

Thanks, everyone! While I didn't write this searching for validation as a good parent (since I think anything good that comes out of my kids is not BECAUSE OF my parenting, but IN SPITE OF it), it still is nice to hear all of that. :)

LunaNik said...

I once heard a theory about life and the universe and such that children actually pick their parents.

They know that they have lessons to learn as well as their own lessons to teach. They pick those that they feel can best teach them as well as those that can best take in what they have to say.

I think your situation is the best proof I have seen yet that this just may be true. =)

The Sports Mama said...

Lunanik, that is the lovliest thing I have ever heard. And it makes me feel so incredibly fortunate to think that my beautiful boy CHOSE me. Thank you for that thought.

Sue said...

Aww. That is so sweet.

Flea said...

Oh! That's my 10 year old ADHD boy! To a T! Aren't they the sweetest children ever? When they're not losing it? It's been a tough week here with boy, so thank you for the reminder of who he truly is. His heart's desire is to open a shelter for homeless and abused cats. What is it about these boys? Hearts bigger than we can ever imagine.

KIDZMAMA said...

There are a lot of adults that can learn from that Bug of yours!

Amy said...

Bug is lucky to have parents who see his strengths, and focus on those strengths. He is loved unconditionally and returns that love to his parents. His VERY deserving parents.

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Your Bug and my Connor could be the same kid. Connor is 14 but you could have been descibing him when you described Bug - ADHD and all.


Darrin said...

How precious. Kids never cease to amaze!!

"Sinatra Junkie"
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