Wednesday, June 11, 2008

You're About to Learn More Than You Might Want to About Me

It occurs to me that subjects that are normally taboo in polite conversation frequently get discussed here. Things I don't routinely tell people... you all somehow end up knowing. You know I hate shaving my legs. You know I randomly drive up into other people's driveways. You know I get stuck in toilets. However, I think this one might be almost worse.

Coach and I occasionally play this game back and forth with each other where we point out how much like which parent the boys are. Ok, ok... we're really trying to lay blame for bad habits or disgusting quirks. Whatever. The point is that most of the really foul things can be laid at Coach's feet. After all, I'm the mama.... how could I possibly have contributed even one iota of ickiness to my precious babies?

Yeah, well......

Bug has the most atrociously rotten smelling feet of anyone I've ever known. Except for my baby brother. His can be smelled for MILES. Literally. Really... all we'd need to do to end the war right now is just have him take his shoes off at the Iraqi borders. Worse than the gas chamber, I'm tellin' ya. Anyway, Bug's are horrible. Really horrible. Especially after practice. Or a hard day at school. Or even just 20 minutes out of the shower. And I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned it or not, but with his sensory issues.... this child (up until the last couple of months---I'm so proud of him! But I digress......) has worn socks Every Second of Every Minute of Every day that wasn't spent in the shower. Since he was tiny. He simply needed to have socks on his feet ALL.THE.TIME. Which worked fantastic for his sensory issues, leaving him free to feel comfortable enough to go to sleep or whatever he wanted to do. What it did not work so fantastically for was the smell. Especially after we moved to Hell... I mean, Arizona. Where we've discovered that the high temperatures have a tendency to strengthen the more... shall we say, pungent? odors.

Its so bad that the dogs won't even spend any time in his room. And they go around sniffing each other's butts all the time!

Unfortunately, this is something my poor, afflicted baby gets from me. (Guess you already figured that out, though, huh? Since this blog is always about me, and I pointed out the genetic link with the stinky baby brother up there?) Its a good thing Coach doesn't have the greatest sense of smell (most likely from years of his own noxious gases.... which he was generous enough to pass down to Jock. *sigh* Which is worse? The raunchy feet, or the constant green cloud around those two? With any luck, the world may never know.....), or my feet could have been a deal breaker in the early days.

I fear greatly for Bug's ability to keep a mate with these feet. She's simply going to have to fall in love so completely, incredibly quickly. Before he has a chance to take off his shoes.


Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Because its you that has stinky feet, I will try not to gag. Stinky feet really freak me out. But if someone as nice as you has this issue, how bad can it be?

Hallie :)

Karen said...

Or he could just be the weird freak that never takes his shoes off the rest of his life. His wife will always wonder, but will love him enough to put up with his strange ways.

Luke is brewing the same habit. The boy's feet smell like sour milk at any given time. The dogs got more baths than is good for them before we finally figured out what the source of the smell is. *gag*

moooooog35 said...

My son's breath is like this.

That kid could peel paint just by yawning.

Anglophile Football Fanatic said...

Ruh roh. That's a toughie. Is there not a prescription for foot deodorant?

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I read somewhere that humans have scent glands in their feet, underarms and genitals.

You can thank Darwin for that.

Cecily R said...

First of all, SOOO well written, even if it was about stinky feet!!

Secondly, I don't know. I have a good friend with stinky feet AND green toenails and he's been happily married for abut 15 years. There IS hope.

And, ummmmm, your google ad this time takes the cake. Eliminate Vaginal Odor. Wait, feet and the ahem-spot aren't the same!!!!

Stella said...

MY feet? Terrible! When I played basketball my mom used to make me leave my sneakers outside and put my socks in a plastic bag until they could get washed. I then had to powder my feet and wash them and powder again.

Nothing helps.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

So, when the wind picked up yesterday and that pungent odor was in the air? Y'all had your shoes off? Now I know.

Crazymamaof6 said...

hilarious! thanks for stopping by.
STINKY FEET! i used to have stinky horrible rotten smelling feet! somehow i've gotten over it. not sure how or why but everyone that smelled them before is thankful. good luck with that.

Flea said...

I love that you have stinky feet. :) Do you have bad knees?

Jennifer said...

Great post! Glad I found your blog! ha.