Sunday, November 9, 2008

Stupid Fathers Make Great Blog Fodder

As my weekend draws to a close, there's just a couple of things still on my mind. Both of which involve fathers who underestimate their children or the world around them. Fathers who were too focused on what they were saying, and the point they were trying to make to the person they were talking to, to pay much attention to the little ones around them. Stupid fathers. (Yes, I said it! I went there!)

Take Stupid Father #1 (SF1). We were walking out of the arena tonight after the hockey game (we actually won 4 tickets to the game tonight when we went to the last game! How cool is that? TWO free chances to watch Bug discover his inner hockey loving extrovert!), and fell into step behind two little boys who were about four and six. They were hopping along as little boys do, but they were just talking to each other. Only each other. I have to assume that one of the two men walking several....SEVERAL... feet ahead of them belonged to these boys. I have to believe that, or I will be left feeling extremely anxious about those little boys tonight. For not only were these little boys SEVERAL feet behind their dad, SF1 was so engrossed in his conversation with his Idiot Friend that they never once....NOT ONE SINGLE TIME IN A TEN MINUTE WALK.... looked back at the boys. They didn't glance over their shoulder to make sure they were still there. They didn't even call out to them.

Until I remarked to Coach, rather loudly: You know.... no one would notice if these boys just weren't here, would they? Anyone could come snatch them, or they could simply get separated since they're so busy hopping around all these people. I would really hate to be their dad when he had to explain to their mama why he didn't come home with them. Of course, that conversation COULD be just that important. I mean, I'm sure there's got to be SOMEthing crucial enough to warrant not making sure your children are with you in a crowd this size.

Yes, I know it sounded like I was going to snatch those kids. I'm sure that's exactly what the look those men turned on me was saying. But you know what? Oh freaking well. And no, my kids are not always tied to my wrist. But I guarantee you that I'm asking Where's Bug/Jock? every 20 seconds if they aren't in my line of sight.

And I'm pretty sure that at least one mom tonight isn't worrying about where her babies are at.

I can live with that. Even if I did sound like a beeyotch.


Stupid Father #2 (SF2) isn't so scary. He's just an idiot sometimes. And he almost always underestimates his youngest son. To be fair, just about everyone underestimates his youngest son. It always amazes me when people are surprised at the level of intelligence and awareness of his surroundings this kid has.

SF2? You know who it is, right? Oh yeah.... it's him. Coach.

(I hesitated to write this, as it's a bit more of a PG13 than a straight PG rating, but then figured "What the heck?" If this blog is supposed to chronicle our life as we live it, then I have to be sure to blog about the experiences that make our entire family laugh so hard we're all crying, right? And this certainly qualifies as one of those experiences!)

We had been invited to a party celebrating the graduation from college (I believe) of one of the dad's on the football team Coach coached. We quite like this guy and his wife, so we accepted and off we all went. In addition to the son on the team, this man also has three teenage daughters. Yes, three. And yet we still decided to bring Jock, little chick-magnet that he's turning out to be. (Oh... side note? New girl is no more, either. As long as he keeps going like this, I'll never need to tax my creativity thinking up names for them here!) The oldest girl is also a sophomore. Like Jock.

Bet you all are thinking that SF2's proud moment came at the unknown expense of this lovely girl, aren't you? Well, you'd be wrong. There was another delightful young lady at this party. She was probably in her early twenties, so well beyond Jock's reach. However, that still leaves her as a prime target for both Jock and Coach to notice. And remark upon.

Coach: So Jock... did you see the girl in the hot pink shirt?
Jock: I think so.........
Coach: You know? The one with the tig-ole-bitties? (Yes, that's what he said. Just that way. And that is also the point where I punched him in the arm for the stupidly large grin he was sporting at Jock's agreement.)

I know he thought he was being smart, using that particular phrase so that Bug wouldn't know what was being talked about. But this is where he, once again, underestimated that kid and what he both is aware of and knows.

Bug: ...tig-ole-bitties???...... What's tha...... OH!!! I get it! You just switched the letters around!
Me: BUG!! Don't even say it!!

And here is where both Jock and Coach laughed so hard they were both sobbing. And I heard a chorus of "I'm sorry!" from the both of them.

And Coach is sporting one heckuva bruise on his upper arm today.


Flea said...

Bwahahahahaha!!!!! That's GREAT!!!

Carol said...

Yeah, there is an age line where Dad definitely let's his guard down with his boys and becomes a teenage boy all over again.

I shall note, however, that this never happens with teenage girls. Nope, when a guy has teenage girls, that baseball bat stays firmly in his grasp. LOL!

Cecily R said...

First: Jon says the SAME thing. Hasn't said it to Isaac yet, but he says it. Oh, he and Coach are scary alike sometimes!!!

Second: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! I know. I shouldn't laugh, but it IS funny. Well, until it happens to me....:)