*I posted this on Facebook recently, but wanted to share it here, too!*
When taking a road trip (which, for today, is defined as any trip taken in a motor vehicle that is over 150 miles away; with the only en route scenery being cacti and circling hawks) that culminates in a fantabulous visit with spectacular friends, there are some things you should remember:
--When in the car, the only music allowed is your FAVORITE, which is usually what your kids don't want to listen to. Good thing you're by yourself!
--When the "Service Engine Soon" light start flashing, don't call your husband to ask if he thinks you should get your oil changed when you get to your destination. He'll just tell you that you're too far away for him to help, and you shouldn't worry until it stops flashing and stays lit. Of course, then it stops altogether and you feel stupid for even calling him in the first place.
--Try to remember that even though the interchange you need to take doesn't LOOK like it's going West that the sign people and highway asphalt layers knew what they were doing; so it really IS going West and you shouldn't have to pass it just to turn around and take it.
--After you've arrived at your destination and get settled in for a nice long visit at the pool, when your hostess suggests sunscreen... USE IT. Sunburns on cleavage and thighs are no fun at all.
--When at the local Wally World, and it is suggested you buy aloe vera because you oh-so-confidently ignored your hostess' earlier advice.... BUY IT. Again, sunburns on cleavage and thighs are no fun at all.
--Don't put your drink within range of the guitar handle when playing bass on Rock Band. Especially if you are really feelin' the groove and moving around.
--Try not to laugh so hard you forget how to breathe and your chest seizes up when your friend discovers she's put her drink within range of the guitar handle and she's feelin' the groove that only the B52's can provide. 'Cuz that sunburn still hurts when you're clapping your hand to your chest because in some small recess of your brain you think that will jump start the breathing again.
--When making the return road trip home, consider that it might not be the best idea to combine a 5-Hour Energy Shot with a large box of Gobstoppers and 44 ounces of Diet Coke. Yes, you will remain awake for the 3.5 hour drive home; but your stomach will be extremely unhappy with you.
--Border Patrol stops are not scary..... especially when you have no one in the car with you and you answer correctly and promptly when asked if you're a citizen!
And finally, when you do finally arrive back home and have slathered all of your sunburned parts with aloe, be sure to tell your spectacular friends what a fantabulous time you had!