Monday, November 22, 2010

If You're Offended By Teenage Boys You Probably Should Skip Today's Post

Before I get too far into this, I'm going to give you all fair warning.... there is every possibility that you could be offended by where this goes. Which totally means that I'm exposing the fact that my guys, all three of them, have very little in the way of knowing just what's appropriate conversation to have so that I can blog about it. It also means exposing the fact that I laugh myself silly over their inappropriateness. *sigh* Which I guess also means exposing the fact that, um, hello? My house is full of BOYS. Boys who use inappropriate language, even when they don't fully know what it means. Boys who think things like bodily air emissions and feminine hygiene products are more hilarious than the best stand-up comic. Boys.

So you know that means endlessly amusing times when I have to explain some GIRL thing, right?

Apparently, the word to use when you want to insult someone is "douche".  I've heard that word come out of more teenage boy mouths that I can even count. And you have to admit, it's more fun to say that than "jerk" or "booger head".  It has a certain grammatical...fun-ness...about it. None of which makes it even remotely appropriate to use around your mother or your younger brother. Especially when your younger brother doesn't have a clue what a douche actually is, putting your mother in the decidedly unenviable position of needing to explain just what, in fact, a douche actually is and does.

But, in the event you forget that rule and call one of your People in a Position of Authority at School (because it would be seriously unwise of me to even say if it was a teacher, administrator or coach) this while driving around one night with both parents and your younger brother in the car?  Well, maybe relying on dad to sum it all up isn't the best thing to do.

It is, however, laugh-til-you-pee-yourself funny.

Teenager:  This Person in a Position of Authority at School is just a total douche!
Bug: **laughing hysterically--totally a give-away that he has no clue what he's laughing at but wants to laugh at anything his brother says**
Me:  Um, do you guys even really know just what a douche actually is?
Teenager: **laughing again**
Bug: No, what?
Me: **to my credit, I didn't pause uncomfortably at all, thankyouverymuch** Well, it's something that women use to wash the inside of their vaginas.
Teenager: **by now, choking on his laughter**
Bug:  Oh. Um....just oh.
Coach: **in his best Beavis and Butthead voice** Ha ha.... Person in a Position of Authority at School is a vagina washer...ha ha

At which point I lost all control over any part of the conversation in the car. All three of those guys were laughing so hard they had to keep wiping their eyes, and I was even caught laughing.

Hey. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.  Sometimes, in a house overloaded with testosterone, that is the only sanity saver you'll get.

7 comments:

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Yeah, I have to admit. "Douche bag" is one funny term!

Glad your boys are having fun with it.

I Am Boymom said...

Bwuah ha haha ha! Everytime I hear that word now I will die laughing because I now have this mental image burned into my brain of Beavis & Butthead talking about Va-jay jay washing.

BTW - As a fellow Boymom, I am so not offended. Grossness, Inappropriate conversations, flatulence...it's all part of the Boymom package.

Flea said...

Boys. That's hilarious. :)

I have trouble with the word douche. Had a coworker who called salt and vinegar chips douche chips. Totally altered everything. I still call them that when my children aren't present.

LunaNik said...

Funny! But I gotta say, it's not just a boy thing. While living with my father and hangin' with my teenage stepsister and her friends, I was amazed at the shit they came up with. Funny as hell though. I laughed myself silly every single time I spoke to them.

T said...

pretty sure I will not be able to so calmly describe that particular term if ever called upon to do so...

boys... they're a riot to be sure :)

Karen said...

Bwahahahaha! Living in a house full of boys as well, I find this to be just as hysterical as you did.

I'll use that term next time I want to insult someone. It's awesome.

Nova Kristin said...

After hearing me laughing hysterically my husband wandered over to see what was so funny. Now he's walking around muttering vagina washer and chuckling, while I am ever thankful that my 10 year old boyo is soundly asleep. Thanks for the laughs!