Borrowing Wisdom

I try, I really do try, to make sure that every word written here is solely mine. Well, unless I'm quoting someone who is way beyond wiser than myself. But then, I make sure to give credit. 

It's not often that a comic strip can be considered beyond wiser than myself. Beyond wiser than people in general, actually. Especially since the very premise of a comic strip is to make you laugh, not think and reflect.

There's always an exception, though, isn't there?  For me, its Zits. Maybe it's where my life is right now; maybe it's where my kids are in my life right now; or maybe it's specifically where the Teenager is in my life right now. Whatever the reason, this one comic strip just....speaks to me. Constantly. Daily. With every frame illustrated. And more often than not, I end up weepy. *sigh*  Happened again this morning.

Graduation? Is kicking my butt emotionally.

That Was Never On MY Weekly Vocabulary Study List

Bug, you're a dork!

Mom, I am NOT a whale's penis. And trust me, I have no desire to be.

Um, well....okay then.  You're a goof. Is that better?

Oh, yeah. Much. I can live with that.

I no longer what we were laughing about at the start of the conversation, or what prompted me to call him a dork.  But I'm sure as heck going to find my dictionary now.  And possibly send an email to his teacher wondering just what in the world they've been studying.

It's Always Been There

For as far back as I can remember, I have had a deep and intense love affair with the written word. I love to write it, and I love love love to read it.

I don't talk much about life before my mother married the dad who raised me, but perhaps the best thing that my biological father ever did was to read to me almost from the very beginning. That one act instilled in me a love of books that has lasted my entire life. Which has been awesome for me, and irritating for my husband.

I think he might be jealous they hold my attention longer than he can sometimes. Especially during a Redskins game.



Hosted by Cecily

Little Bits

I witnessed what might arguably (wow does that word look funny all typed out!) be one of the sweetest acts of brotherhood to come out of my oldest son the other day. There is a bully in our neighborhood. A bully that is just slightly older than Bug. A bully who decided that it was fine for him to talk smack, but not for Bug to talk it right back. A bully who decided that he could just haul off and punch my kid in the face for no reason other than Bug stood up to him. A bully who is very lucky that Bug didn't know where he lived, exactly, because when Bug came home sporting a bright red cheekbone.....his big brother stood up, put his shoes on, and declared he was going to "have a talk" with this bully.

See, here's the deal. Its fine, expected even, for Jock to pick on Bug. But it just ain't cool for anyone else to do it.

And in a related snippet..... when I told that teenager that he just couldn't go have a little talk with a kid in the 8th grade, he looked at me and pouted that I was ruining his fun. "Mom," he said. "You're a ruiner."

I would talk to his English teacher about what they're learning, but I'm just too happy he was protecting his little brother.

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When Jock recently heard me state that it was so much more painful to sit by and watch his heart being broken than it ever was to have my own broken, he explained why that was with a very confident, no hesitation at all, response:  It's because I'm your kid, and you love me more than you love yourself.

Smart kid, that boy. 

Which is probably why I am not upset at all that my kitchen right now resembles some strange combination of art studio/greenhouse. There is an upside down, pointed tip cut off to leave an opening, hanging (or not so much anymore) moss basket mounted on a square wooden board that has been covered in plaster of paris to harden it so that it can be painted and surrounded by some other forms of nature, sitting right in the middle of the counter on the kitchen island.

He smiled while creating that mess. And was teasing me with the plaster spreader thing. Everyone knows when you start smiling at messes like that, and threatening your mother with plaster spreader thingies,  you're heart is maybe hurting just a little bit less.

Just.....Stop. For Just a Minute, Okay?

Lately, every time I look at one of my boys, I find myself thinking the same thing.

"Dude...slow down on the whole growing up thing, will ya?"

I don't have babies anymore. I no longer have little boys. I'm not sure I've even got "kids" in the stereotypical sense. No, what I have is one son who is chomping at the bit to do everything his older brother does, only sooner, and a teenager who is morphing into an adult so much faster than I could possibly be ready for and so much slower than he dreams about. 

We once had racetracks strung across my living room, with mismatched driver/navigator pairs like the Fisher Price mom (remember her, with the blue wooden body and the plastic blond pony tail hair?) and Raphael from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Little green army men were stationed for protection and to man the lemonade stands all along those stretches of orange highway. At one end was the house, carefully constructed out of empty cereal boxes; and the other end seemed to go on forever. Now, we're filling out job applications, dating, driving and coming up with convincing arguments for getting a cell phone earlier than we had originally agreed on.

Slow down. Take the time to build more cities and RV's out of Legos.  Play in the rain and splash in the puddles. Pick the cereal at the store solely for the prize shown on the box. Play cars, hide and seek, and giggle under the covers at bedtime while you think if mama can't see you she can't make you go to sleep.

Please, my babies, slow down. Every time I blink, you're another year older and another inch taller. Another year grown and another year closer to taking that leap out of my little nest and into the big world you just can't wait to dive into.

At least give me time to make sure your parachute is packed, okay?

Sunday Giggles

Mom, thanks for making me dinner.

Dude, I'm not cooking tonight. Dad is.

Well, thanks for making me dinner every other night you cook for me.

::pause::

Work with me here, Mom. I'm trying to distract you from remembering you want me to hang up my clean laundry tonight.

Sadly, I really will probably forget; though it will not be due to any smooth distraction skillz Bug thinks he may or may not have. The truth is just that I'm easily distracted.

Oooh, look! Something shiny!

Bits And Pieces

Why is it that the cordless phone is NEVER near it's base? I mean, I can NEVER find it without utilizing the "locate phone" feature. And the only person in this house who doesn't have a cell phone, so is the only one who uses the land line, ALWAYS claims it wasn't him.

Which totally explains why the phone is ALWAYS found in his room. Maybe I should just move the base??

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I'm not entirely sure why we never seem to have enough hangers around here. The clothes seem to spend more time draped over the back of the sofa than on an actual hanger, anyway.

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Apparently, randomly commenting to the room at large that you want something, but aren't quite sure what that something is; is code for "Please throw grapes at me".

At least, that's how the teenager interpreted it.

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I may not be a very good cook, and my grocery cart may contain more "instant", "ready to eat", "simple one dish" things than a lot of other moms out there, but it seems I know enough to advise confused-looking married men sent to the grocery store by themselves, who end up in front of the produce asking any woman who slows down enough to get caught which is better: a regular nectarine or a white flash nectarine? And how do you pick them? And what, exactly, is "green, leafy lettuce", since that's what she told him to get and he's pretty sure that didn't just mean iceberg?

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One Step Closer

School is out for my boys in just two days. Technically, only one since the next two days are only half days. Do you know what that means?

In three days, my baby will be in middle school. He's one step farther from being a baby, and one step closer to being a young man. He's also more determined to find a girlfriend next year. Ugh.

In three days, my oldest baby will be a Junior in high school. He's one step closer to graduating and becoming an adult. He's also more likely to find a girlfriend who doesn't try to compete with football and baseball, and who makes him actually fall in *gulp* love. Double Ugh.

And as an added bonus? In just seven days, I get to start getting up at the butt crack of dawn, aka 4:30 AM, to cart Jock's non-driving self (because he STILL hasn't read the whole Driver's Manual, which means he can't get his permit, which he has to have for 6 months before he can get his actual license.....despite the fact that this boy will be 16 in just three (3!!) short weeks) to Varsity weights every stinkin' morning. All. Summer. Long.

I would suggest you send a relief package full of chocolate, but it's summer in Arizona. Even nuts melt here right now. You can, however, just shoot me. I have it on good authority that those long range super soaker water guns? Are awesome.

Then And Now

Bug, age 6


Jock, age 12


Bug, age 10

Jock, age 15





What.The.Heck? I need to stop blinking.

Is This Good Or Bad?

Bug: Mom, can I have a soda?

Me: Bug, why are you calling me at work for this? Your dad's home. Ask him.

Bug: See, Mom... the thing is... he's really more of a "NO" man rather than a "Yes" man.

Me: ...... So what am I?

Bug: Nicer?

In Memoriam

A moment of silence, please.

(Are your heads bowed? Eyes closed? Hey! You! No peeking!)

Having been an extremely valued member of my family for the last two years, and working diligently day and night to assure my household of maximum connectivity, despite extremely poor working conditions and a host machine that, at its best, sucked like a Hoover; my modem has died.

We think. It's not finding an Internet connection, so I suppose it could simply be boycotting the amount of time we spend online each day. Maybe it decided that Coach was headed towards overload, visiting all those coaching websites. Perhaps this was a subtle way of telling me that I've been spending too much time blogging or looking for creative ways to pay my bills. Could be that it was protesting the music being searched for by Jock. Or possibly it had decided that this was the best action to take in the family's ongoing efforts to protect Bug from pornographic images disguised as online video game characters.

Whatever the reason, intentional or incidental, my modem has bailed on the family.

We feel we've sufficiently mourned it's loss over the last couple of days, and have decided to actively seek a replacement starting today. In the meantime, since I don't work on the weekends (and work being my only online source at the moment), this is probably the last post you'll see from me until at least Monday. Unless we meet, fall in love with, and proceed with the adoption of a new family member this weekend.

Wish us luck. Or wish for a financial windfall for us. That would work, too.

Just the Highlights

When asked how practice last night went, Jock replied:

Sucked. We were beat by the FRESHMEN. So....we ran. And ran. And ran. Ran, ran, ran. And the only thing that sucked worse than that was the linemen needing to push the sled for 300 yards. With the 300 pound coach on it.

Huh. Bet that line will work harder at not letting anyone through it now, though, won't they?

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It occurs to me that almost all of my posts lately have been about Jock.

Just wanted to remind you all that I do still have two kids. Bug is alive and well, singing at the top of his lungs every night in the shower.

To Metallica.

His dad is so proud.

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A set of my in-laws were in town last week, and left just a couple of days ago. It was great to visit with them, and the boys had an awesome time with Grandma and Grandpa.

But I'm a bit mortified.....

See, they were awesome enough to not only help us out with some groceries, but.... THEY CLEANED MY HOUSE, TOO!! (ok, so maybe it was just my living room and my kitchen.....but those are the rooms that everyone sees, so I think they count as my "house")

This means that they have:

Probably found every last Fruit Loop and Apple Jack that the boys have hidden under the stove.....

Flushed out every brave plastic soldier who has taken refuge in the bunker under my sofa......

Discovered the true color of my carpet, the way it appears without a fine (or not so fine) layer of dog hair.....

Although I think I have a couple of light bulbs out, so maybe they didn't notice so much?

Hey... a daughter-in-law can dream, right?

Unwillingly MIA

Ok. Hopefully someone out there has missed me. At least a little. So, here's the sitch....

My home computer crashed. Although it was kind enough to inform me right before it gave me the blue screen of death that I should update my anti-virus software. Hopefully, that can happen when I get paid. Sadly, that means whatever is partying in there can really have fun until this weekend.

I can't really use the computer at work for blogging. Even if I had the time (and hello!! Property Management... first week of the month... yeah. What the heck is "extra" time??) I'm not really supposed to conduct personal business with it.

On a totally (well, somewhat) unrelated note... at least the Redskins won last night. Coach will be happy for a few days, and not focused on the stupid computer.

I will try to sneak something in here. I miss you guys.

*I do still have email access, though, so if you maybe miss me back.... email me!*

The Cool New Holiday

Bug: Mom, I'm going to get Jock (insert random thing he thinks his brother wants here.... I don't remember what it was, and it really has no bearing on the story, so just roll with it) that he wants. You know, for Brother's Day.

Me: Um, Brother's Day? Are you inventing your own holiday?

Bug: Yep. A Brothers and Sisters Day. You know... a BS Day.

Me: .....laughing so hard there are tears, because really? That holiday would totally be a favorite at my house with my boys!...... Um, dude.... if you only knew why I think that's so funny!

Bug: I do! You're laughing 'cuz it sounds like (whispering) B.S..... the swear word!

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Bug: Mom, you don't know me nearly as well as you think you do!

Me: Or really? Dude, I'd bet I know you better than you think I do! Wanna test me?

Bug: Ok. Do I like girls? (now really.... did he need to start with that one? Can't he just let me pretend he doesn't know they exist?)

Me: Well, they're ok as friends, but not for anything else. (Can YOU hear the hopeful note in there? I think he missed that.)

Bug: .... laughing.... Mayyyybbeeee...

Me: What? (sounding all sorts of pretend shocked).... Are you thinking of kissing on some girl?

Bug: (giving me the grin that the men in my family have apparently patented... the one guaranteed to make me smile and forget that we're discussing something I'd rather not) Maayyyyybe..... maybe not. But the point is that (dramatic pause here) .... YOU DON'T KNOW! Which means I win! You don't know me as well as you think you do!

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So my question is.......

Was today B.S. Day and I missed it?

Will the Real Martian Please Stand Up?

There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the Twilight Zone. ~Rod Serling (season 1)

I was greeted at the door with a giant hug from my Bug.

There were no video games on in any room of the house. AT ALL.

The dogs were laying quietly and un-slobberingly (yes, its a word if I say it is) in the living room.

All three of my guys were gathered in plain sight. No hiding in their rooms at all. (And they stayed this way ALL NIGHT.)

Coach was making dinner.

Who knew Rod Serling was haunting the desert of Arizona?

You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That's the signpost up ahead - your next stop, the Twilight Zone! ~Rod Serling (season 2)

**credit for the title: Will the Real Martian Please Stand Up? **

I'll Take It Where I Can Get It

Apparently, I'm in a "mood" tonight.

Coach voluntarily shut off the video game, without my having to mention it EVEN ONCE, before dinner was even ready.

Jock hid in his room until dinner was ready.

Bug was brave. He looked at me when I walked in, said "Love you, Mom" and THEN went back to his game. Which, I will add, he did not argue with me AT ALL about shutting off. The FIRST time I asked.

Both my dogs? Have hidden from me all night.

So because they were all showing such extreme self-preservation skills.... I mean, showing the love, I rewarded them by actually cooking dinner and not forcing the Frozen Pizza of Death on them. Ok, I guess that depends on how you look at it. There are some that would argue that my cooking for them was such a severe form of punishment that it borders on the cruel and unusual generally forbidden by the Constitution. Others would argue that it meant I recognized that they need more nutrients than can be found in a box containing frozen red sauce and processed cheese on a Frisbee, and did my best as a wife and mother to provide that for them.

Really, all I did was throw some canned chicken, instant rice, cream of chicken soup, cream of celery soup, milk and shredded cheese in a casserole dish, mix it with dill weed and celery salt, and bake it at 375 for 30 minutes. Sooooo not hard, and with no actual cooking of anything involved. So it doesn't really count as cooking, does it?

The reason for my funk? I started that new job today. Lets just say that I'm really not feeling like its a good fit for me. Or really that I'm a good fit for them. However, they are paying me. So until I find someone else willing, able and offering to do that, I will give them the best of me.

On the positive side? No one pushed my buttons at all tonight. That's got to count for something, right?

Everyone Say It With Me: WOOHOO!!!

So, everybody ready to break out their Happy Dancin' shoes with me?

Ready to pull out the blenders and start whipping up some celebratory magaritas? (Or fruit slushies... its 114 degrees here today people!)

Drum roll please......

I START A NEW JOB ON MONDAY!!!

Thank God. For while my kids love me, I begin to think I'm cramping their "sleep-til-noon-don't-do-any-chores-til-ten-minutes-before-mom-or-dad-gets-home-never-shower-or-brush-my-teeth" style.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.....

......and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."

Ok, so the very minute I saw this little "test", I immediately thought of you, Hallie!

You Are Miss Piggy

A total princess and diva, you're totally in charge - even if people don't know it. You want to be loved, adored, and worshiped. And you won't settle for anything less. You're going to be a total star, and you won't let any of the "little people" get in your way. Just remember, piggy, never eat more than you can lift!

http://www.blogthings.com/themuppetpersonalitytest/

Yeah, so apparently I'm a diva pig. I knew I shouldn't have answered "Full Figured" to the question about my body type!

Random Whining and Laughter

Productivity is highly overrated, in my opinion. And I am trying with every ounce of creativity in my body to persuade Coach to agree with that opinion. For while I've been unemployed now for three weeks (which, BTW?? Still sucks! HELLO??? Prospective employers who desperately need an employee who will work herself silly, treat your business like it was her own baby, and totally improve your bottom line? HIRE ME ALREADY, would you??), I have not done a single load of dishes (yes, they are still getting done; I'm just still forcing... I mean, persuading Jock to do them), the laundry remains in piles in my bedroom (clean, some of it folded; but none of it actually hanging in the closet or put in the drawers), the dogs haven't been bathed with anything beyond the misters in their kennel (c'mon.. they're lazy and have not been outside much to get dirty!), and the dust on my shelves and large electrical amusement activities is now at least an inch deeper.

Wow. I totally suck at this Stay At Home thing, don't I?

On the other hand, I have gotten to spend a lot more time with my boys. I was able to spend their birthdays with them, which I haven't been able to do in a few years. I've been able to devote a ridiculously HUGE amount of time the the Little League, coordinating and supervising the All Star tournament (two more days... two more days... two more days....). I've also gotten to reacquaint myself with how positively peaceful the grocery store is in the middle of the week.

I still want to go back to work. Soon. Very, very soon. Please? Pretty please?

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Bug was spending the night a couple of days ago at his grandma's house. He loves to hang out there, and conveniently enough... Mama G loves to have him over! After some time spent playing in the pool (I think... it might have been BEFORE he went swimming. I wasn't there, and I think I missed that part of the story when Mama G was telling me later), he asked Grandma to make him a burrito. With beans, cheese and chicken. And yes, I know it sounds a little strange. However, this is the kid who also once had Subway make him a sandwich with pepperoni, black olives, lettuce, ranch dressing, roast beef and bacon. Chicken and beans was nothing compared to that. So he got in her pantry to pull out a can of chicken, and handed it to her. Without really looking at it, she started to open it. And thought it smelled kinda funny. Which made her actually look at the can.

G'ma: Um.... Bug? This isn't chicken.
Bug: It's not?
G'ma: Um, no. It's tuna.
Bug: Really? But the can said "Chicken of the Sea"!

Yeah. Jessica Simpson has nothing on my boy.

Because At Least One of You Worried....

No, I didn't get washed away by the freak rain here last week. I also didn't take the opportunity to learn how to swim.

I am, however, drowning.

I am caught up in end of school year stuff with both boys. Keeping Bug on track and focused this time of year could legitimately be a full time job for someone who didn't already have one. Or two. On the flip side, Jock has done a spectacular job of pushing himself these last couple of months to make sure ALL of his grades are at or above a "C" level, and with his struggles with the evil that is Algebra, that's saying something. He has done this on his own, as his dad and I are clueless when it comes to his math class. He's also pushed himself to stay on track and not procrastinate in his English class. I am so incredibly proud of him.

I'm also swamped with end of season baseball stuff for both boys, and the Little League board stuff. We just finished the post season, and are gearing up for the Tournament of Champions and All-Stars. Um, so I guess its not really end of season yet. Explains why I'm still so busy with it all.

The company I work for decided, rather abruptly if one were to rely strictly on when the actual employees were informed, to move offices. This week. I was informed on Friday.

I am trying to cram 24 hours of continuing education credit into a week. Around working full time, baseball full time, the whole full time mom gig I've got in process, and trying to get out of here for a mini-vacation. And lest you think too highly of me... I will point out that I'm something of a procrastinator (yes, Jock came by this trait quite genetically). My license expires on Saturday. I've only had two years to get these 24 hours completed.

That mini-vacation? I'm sure I've mentioned it. I'm leaving tomorrow (although its after midnight, so I guess it's really today?) night for Denver to visit with my mom for a few days. I am really very excited about this trip, even if I am taking work with me. I'm not quite fully packed yet, and my plane leaves in approximately 19 hours.

I'm pretty sure I've left something out up there, but you get the drift. I'm sorry this is a sucky, uninspired post. Hopefully, you'll all forgive me and catch up to me in a few days. I'll get around to each of your blogs in the next couple of days as I'm relaxing and catching my breath at my parents' house. There's nothing quite like being able to sleep in at mom's house to make you feel refreshed. Of course, that might also have something to do with the fact that I am going by myself. No kids. No Coach. No dogs. No being on call for work.

I might just figure out how to "swim" through this after all.