Saturday, November 10, 2007

It Was An Adventure!

Ok, so we're on Day 4 now without being able to see. Can I tell you again just how much this sucks?

However, today we actually had to go somewhere. Which meant that I had to make an effort to appear somewhat normal. Now, I have of course showered over the last few days, even though I have not ventured out of my house. But (and for those men out there that might be reading this, if you'd like to skip this part, feel free. I won't be offended. I'll let you know in big bold letters when its safe to join the party again!)..... I haven't shaved.

Oh, the armpits were safe enough. Those are close enough to my eyes that I felt reasonably confident that I could safely handle a razor there. However, my legs are not that close to my eyes. In fact, for as short as I am, they are actually surprisingly quite far away from my eyes. Even when I'm bent in half as far as I can possibly go. So, feeling like I had used up my allotment of insane actions on Wednesday, I didn't think taking a sharp blade to my legs was necessarily something I should do. Fortunately, I wasn't going anywhere, and having survived two pregnancies with me, Coach had previously been exposed to my less-than-smooth lower limbs. But, as I said earlier, we had to go somewhere today that required me to put a bit of effort into my appearance. So, I shaved my legs.

Now, for those of you who might be "visually impaired" out there, you understand how challenging it is to shower when you can't see, anyway. I mean, you spend the entire time hoping you've grabbed the right bottle. Face cleanser instead of shaving gel. Shampoo instead of conditioner, and then conditioner instead of shampoo. Conditioner instead of body wash. And... I know at least the men out there will appreciate this one... your own razor and not his. Now, try to attack something with a reasonably sharp blade that is at least a couple of feet beyond where you can see clearly. I'm sure you can understand my dilemma. But I'm happy to report that I accomplished it with no bloodshed. (Ok boys... you can join back in now.)

Once I got out of the shower, I had to manage to put myself together, with the end result actually looking like myself. By sitting on the bathroom counter and placing my face not more than two inches from the mirror, I was able to get my makeup on. And, aside from the still slight puffiness of the right eye, it looked ok. I decided it might not be a good idea to try to blow dry my hair with my glasses on, since I generally do that with my head upside down anyway. Well, I even managed to do that ok. So then I popped my glasses on my face, remembered to get dressed, and pronounced myself fit for public observation. Off we went!

Now, I must admit something to you all here. I'm a bit of a control freak (I know... shocking!), so it always unnerves me somewhat to let Coach drive when we go anywhere. Normally I can handle it. Today it was a bit of a challenge. Being a passenger in a car when you can't see much further than the hood is kinda scary. I had no idea! And apparently the antibiotics have made my eyes a *touch* sensitive to sunlight. I couldn't open them without pain. And if I could get them open, I got instantly dizzy from the attempt to focus a mostly blurry image going 60 mph. *sigh* I finally decided that laying back and closing my eyes was the best way to go. That seemed to be the only way we'd get to our destination in one piece, without my constantly throwing my arm out and whacking Coach as I tried to balance myself.

Turns out I was pretty dead on in my prediction of trampling small children at the pizza parlor. I simply couldn't see them as they ran around my feet. And if Coach or one of the boys wandered more than a few feet from me, I completely lost them. I really just tried to stay in one place. It seemed safer that way. For everyone else. You understand.

Then we decided to do grocery shopping today instead of tomorrow. I say "we", but everyone out there knows that it was really Coach's decision, right? I mean, tomorrow is football. Should have been a no-brainer. Duh. Anyhow..... we had both boys with us. This was amusing on so many levels for them. Poor Bug got stuck leading me to the restroom at one point, and letting me hold on to his arm so I didn't lose him. At nine years old, he feels he's outgrown holding my hand, so this was probably quite painfully embarrassing for him. And then later, when Bug had to go again (folks, our grocery store trips generally turn into all day events. They last several hours. I really couldn't tell you why.) Coach gave Jock the option of going with him to make sure we didn't lose him, or staying with me. Jock, thinking he was getting the better end of the deal, opted to stay with me. Ha! After my umpteenth request to read to me what was on the shelves we were passing, I think he would have preferred to be chasing Bug.

We did eventually get through the obstacle course... I mean, the grocery store.... and headed home. By this time, the sun was going down, so it didn't hurt my poor little eyes. After unloading the truck, it was off to spend the evening with Coach's brother and his children. I think I might have mentioned them before... two sets of twins? Loads of fun on a good day, an awesome challenge on a day like today. Chasing after two year old boys when you can't see them at a distance OR up close as they are tiny, little grasshoppers is always fun. Really. I recommend it to everyone. And for giggles, throw in some newly developed mud puddles in the back yard. Total joy.

For the two year olds. Not so much for the 34-year-old-blind-as-a-bat auntie.

*sigh* But they're in bed now, and I made brownie bite cookies.

I just might survive until Monday morning, when I can finally put my contacts back in.


Liz said...

laughing out loud at your medically imposed blindness and the eye swollen shut. pink eye? yikes.

Thanks for checking my blog out, too!

Karen said...

I'm sorry to laugh at your calamity, but that's hysterical! Congrats on being chosen a Top Momma!

The Sports Mama said...

Liz, its definitely been an interesting experience!

Karen, if I didn't want people to laugh with me (because I choosing to believe no one is actually laughing AT me... lol) I wouldn't post it!:)

And when was I chosen a Top Momma? This is the first I've heard about it!