Do you ever play the What If....? game with your life?
I'm not sure where I was driving, or what I was listening to on the radio at the time, but something got me to thinking.
What if I had married someone other than Coach?
So I started trying to imagine my life with each of my ex-boyfriends. The ones I was serious about, at any rate. Now, I don't still talk to any of them. I haven't spoken to any of them in years. I don't know if they are married, single, alive, dead, or even still male. (Although, that would be kinda creepy to find out that some guy I had dated was living life these days as a different gender. Nothing wrong with it, just odd to think that I'd once made out with him, and apparently it was life changing. Yes, I know.... it all revolves around me. Got it.) There were a couple of these guys that, at the time, I could seriously envision spending the rest of my life with. Granted, I was incredibly domestic-minded, and from the time I started dating I was always looking towards my future. But that's not the point.
Do you want to know what the majority of these guys have in common today? Almost all of them, actually. In fact, there are only three exceptions. Its a bit embarrassing for me to admit this, but heck.... I've already revealed one of my biggest skeletons to you all, so what's a little more shame? :)
I don't remember their last names. Seriously. Only those three exceptions. The rest? Complete blanks after the first name. And I didn't keep a diary, so there's no chance I'll be able to go back and find them that way. I suppose I could go trolling through those websites geared towards reuniting you with old high school friends; and while I AM registered on a couple of them... it just seems like too much trouble. Besides.... if memory serves (although I've just admitted that it doesn't always!) I never dated anyone with an unusual name. Do you have any idea how many different guys were named Scott, Chris or Jeff in my high school? The unusual ones I apparently remember.
I must've racked my brain for over an hour on this. I've gotta tell you, not remembering their last names completely ruined my What If...? game I had started. I mean, how can you plan a make-believe life if you can't remember what your last name is supposed to be?
I was pretty serious about one guy who was getting ready to go to Seminary to be a Baptist Minister. All I can remember about him is that he was from Oklahoma, was blond, and his first name was Chris. (I'm assuming it still is, but you never know. Those ministers are sneaky that way! Kidding!!!)
There was also a guy that used to treat me like an absolute queen. He brought me flowers all the time. What I remember about him? Red truck and his first name was Lee. That's it. I'd really be hard pressed to even tell you if he was blond or brunette.
Then, there was the guy I was seeing when I met Coach. Again, this was one I was envisioning a future with. We had even been talking about how we'd plan our wedding, what we'd name our kids. I spent a weekend with his family at his elderly grandmother's house over Independence Day! Do you know how long it took me to even remember his FIRST name?!? I'm too embarrassed to admit that one.
So. My point? I really do love my life. It's rough in patches. Its one helluva bumpy ride occasionally. My children are not perfect, and my husband of choice is nothing like any of those other guys. BUT.... he was my choice. Really, he was the perfect choice for me. He is my lifeboat in my personal sea of insanity. It occurred to me why its so hard for me to play that silly game of What If...?
I can't imagine my life any other way, as I don't regret any part of it. Not the valleys or the mountaintops.
Which is probably a good thing, as I'm not so sure I would have made a very good preacher's wife!
On a different note, I really want to thank all of you who have offered me words of support and encouragement during this particular "valley" I'm trudging through right now. This blog has been so therapeutic, and the biggest reason is the friends I've made as a result of it. Should any of you ever need me, I'm just an email or a phone call away. What? Do you find yourself without my phone number programmed in your cell phones? All you need to do is ask....
It would make me look just a tad desperate to post it here, don't you think? :)