Monday, February 25, 2008

Let's Play A Game, Shall We?

Do you ever play the What If....? game with your life?

I'm not sure where I was driving, or what I was listening to on the radio at the time, but something got me to thinking.

What if I had married someone other than Coach?

So I started trying to imagine my life with each of my ex-boyfriends. The ones I was serious about, at any rate. Now, I don't still talk to any of them. I haven't spoken to any of them in years. I don't know if they are married, single, alive, dead, or even still male. (Although, that would be kinda creepy to find out that some guy I had dated was living life these days as a different gender. Nothing wrong with it, just odd to think that I'd once made out with him, and apparently it was life changing. Yes, I know.... it all revolves around me. Got it.) There were a couple of these guys that, at the time, I could seriously envision spending the rest of my life with. Granted, I was incredibly domestic-minded, and from the time I started dating I was always looking towards my future. But that's not the point.

Do you want to know what the majority of these guys have in common today? Almost all of them, actually. In fact, there are only three exceptions. Its a bit embarrassing for me to admit this, but heck.... I've already revealed one of my biggest skeletons to you all, so what's a little more shame? :)

I don't remember their last names. Seriously. Only those three exceptions. The rest? Complete blanks after the first name. And I didn't keep a diary, so there's no chance I'll be able to go back and find them that way. I suppose I could go trolling through those websites geared towards reuniting you with old high school friends; and while I AM registered on a couple of them... it just seems like too much trouble. Besides.... if memory serves (although I've just admitted that it doesn't always!) I never dated anyone with an unusual name. Do you have any idea how many different guys were named Scott, Chris or Jeff in my high school? The unusual ones I apparently remember.

I must've racked my brain for over an hour on this. I've gotta tell you, not remembering their last names completely ruined my What If...? game I had started. I mean, how can you plan a make-believe life if you can't remember what your last name is supposed to be?

I was pretty serious about one guy who was getting ready to go to Seminary to be a Baptist Minister. All I can remember about him is that he was from Oklahoma, was blond, and his first name was Chris. (I'm assuming it still is, but you never know. Those ministers are sneaky that way! Kidding!!!)

There was also a guy that used to treat me like an absolute queen. He brought me flowers all the time. What I remember about him? Red truck and his first name was Lee. That's it. I'd really be hard pressed to even tell you if he was blond or brunette.

Then, there was the guy I was seeing when I met Coach. Again, this was one I was envisioning a future with. We had even been talking about how we'd plan our wedding, what we'd name our kids. I spent a weekend with his family at his elderly grandmother's house over Independence Day! Do you know how long it took me to even remember his FIRST name?!? I'm too embarrassed to admit that one.

So. My point? I really do love my life. It's rough in patches. Its one helluva bumpy ride occasionally. My children are not perfect, and my husband of choice is nothing like any of those other guys. BUT.... he was my choice. Really, he was the perfect choice for me. He is my lifeboat in my personal sea of insanity. It occurred to me why its so hard for me to play that silly game of What If...?

I can't imagine my life any other way, as I don't regret any part of it. Not the valleys or the mountaintops.

Which is probably a good thing, as I'm not so sure I would have made a very good preacher's wife!

On a different note, I really want to thank all of you who have offered me words of support and encouragement during this particular "valley" I'm trudging through right now. This blog has been so therapeutic, and the biggest reason is the friends I've made as a result of it. Should any of you ever need me, I'm just an email or a phone call away. What? Do you find yourself without my phone number programmed in your cell phones? All you need to do is ask....

It would make me look just a tad desperate to post it here, don't you think? :)


Huckdoll said...

I play what if every now and can be horribly depressing or uplifting, depending on the frame of mind, you know? I don't just play with ex's either, I play with EVERY aspect of my life and it can get crazy...okay, I've decided what if is a bad game :)

Debbie in NC said...

I had a Jeff and a Tom. I do remember their last names, but there were a few others that escape me!

I actually tried the "what if" with the Jeff after my separation. It had been 20 years since we had been together. Oh gosh and I'm SO glad he wasn't my chosen path! He was and still is a JERK and I would have rather typed some other obscene word!

I was married for 20 years and separated for 7. Just last November we divorced. He was a very good man, responsible, but just not too good on the emotions. He is great to our son, 21, and is always there for us...still.

And I agree...LOL LOL...don't post phone number!

I bet Coach is glad you can't remember their last names! :-)

LunaNik said...

I always get a bit envious when people mention all the men they have dated. I've only had two serious relationships in my life: the one I'm in now and the one before this. That's it. How boring am I??????

I don't really play the What If game, but only because I never considered spending the rest of my life with my ex...ever...even when we were together I knew that I would end up moving on. I'm terrible.

Flea said...

I missed your valley! I feel so bad! I've been crazy busy for two weeks and have missed so much. And about to run, but I'll catch up on your posts tonight. Promise. Hope all is well.

Karen said...

I've done the "what if" before. It makes me realize even more that I've made the right choice.

Mo said...

I'll tell ya, I don't know what I would've done without the blog over this last month and a half or so. It's been great therapy, really.

And don't feel too bad. The last two guys I was serious about, before I got married, I can barely remember their first names let alone their last names.

Amy said...

I still think about one of my ex's. The "what if" always ends with him cheating on me. Not that he ever did, just that he was very charming, and I fear charming guys and their charm. I've seen way to many girlfriends charmed into a life that was full of lies.
I am happy with my Jeff. Mountaintops, valleys and everything in between.

Anonymous said...

Desperate? Nah! Crazy? Most definitely!! And yeah, I don't always comment either...but I read every're in my reader!!

Thanks for your kind comment on my blog today. We all need a little encouragement sometimes! :)

*~*Cece*~* said...

I've played What If lots of times. I have a strong feeling that the What if I HAD gotten marraied at the age of 18 I'm sure I would've been divorced by now.

My other What if is if I had stayed w/my drug dealing, abusive boyfriend. I'm sure I wouldn't know any of my wonderful friends/family now. That life was so miserable.

I'm just glad I had the strength to get away from those boys b/c I wouldn't be who I am now, nor would I have the beautiful family I have today.

Stella said...

It's funny I don't play what if with the long term relationship I had before my husband, I do it with a guy I dated in high school and we stayed friends. I can even pinpoint the event that probably would have changed everything. It doesn't happen often but every once in awhile I do think about it. The part I find "funny" now is that he's not allowed to talk to me anymore because his wife, who used to be my friend, does not like me. I'm not quite sure why...maybe he told her something that I don't know but the whole thing is just funny. We're married...grow up!
Wow...totally just hijacked your comments! Sorry....yes I play what if occasionally....


jennifer h said...

Sounds like Coach's mind-erase magnet worked. He could sell a lot of those to husbands everywhere.

Leanne said...

I had a Brian and a Chris, I remember their last names, but looking back on the realationships I can't figure out why I dated them! Nice, eh? I may just have to go and google them, now, you've got me wondering....

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

You are so much better than me. I have actually tried to find out where mine are...and did in Facebook..but that's as far as it gets. I'm not interested in "re-kindling" if you know what I mean.

Flea said...

I vividly remember my one and only true love prior to my husband. Now that I'm living in the town he's in for the first time almost since we broke up, I'm a little freaked and think about him more often. Not liking that. And yes, I looked him up right after we moved here. I was terrified that I'd run into him in the grocery. But he lives on the other side of town. Phew!

And I'd love your phone number!

suchsimplepleasures said...

i remember first and last names...i'm crazy like that!! and...i just looked them up in facebook...and then got worried that my picture would show up on their profile...and, they'd think i was stalking them or something!!! which, i wasn't!!
i do the what if thing, every now and again. it's always with a guilty feeling because, if any of my what ifs had been true...then, i wouldn't have my 3 children. i know that i wouldn't have known the difference but, it still gives me the creeps to think about life without my babies!! now, life if i had chosen a different spouse...hmmm...that doesn't creep me out as badly...i just pretend that my kids will have still been my kids!!

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

I think I admire that your "what if" game led you back to Coach. I still remember EVERYBODY's name, just so long as they actually mattered at the time (there are a few that didn't). The weird thing is that Mr. Husband actually knew most of the guys I dated, so if I don't know where they are now, he does. I can't say that I like it.

BTW, you've been one of my favorite reads since I first found you. There's only a handful of you that I've stuck with all that time. I actually thought of you earlier when I was deciding whether or not to post about Myron Cope's passing. I was thinking that a bunch of mommy bloggers wouldn't get why it matters so much to me that the voice of the Steelers is gone, but then I thought that Sports Mama most certainly would understand. You don't have to be a Steelers fan to understand what it means to lose something so core to your team.


Shellie said...

Good thing you chose Coach! Just don't forget he has a real name!! I called my husband my dad the other day. How lame is that??

Sarabeth said...

I'm going to turn a few of my "What If"s into a novel or two. I'm making up names, though. Don't want any of them to actually find me.

Blog hopping--HP