Sunday, March 30, 2008

If I Didn't Have My Boys

....... I certainly would have gotten more sleep this weekend. For that matter, I'd get more sleep all the time.

....... I most likely wouldn't spend so stinkin' much time second guessing myself or my decisions. Before Children (BC) I was actually considered an extremely intelligent person!

....... There is a very real chance that I would feel confident that my body could compete with the body on my brother-in-law's new girlfriend, and would not have hidden inside today while she was out at the pool in a cute little bikini.

....... I wouldn't worry about the example I set, and might feel more free to do things like go out partying and bar-hopping more than once every decade or so. (This is, of course, assuming that I'd be able to hold my alcohol better than I do currently. Right now, I'm everyone's favorite Designated Driver... which honestly? Gets old and has begun making me think its the only reason I ever get invited anywhere.)

....... I wouldn't be SERIOUSLY contemplating the idea of taking out a loan the size of a small country so Jock could get a personal trainer for football and baseball. Or justifying the expense by saying "Money spent now is money saved when he gets the scholarship to college".

....... Laundry would only take me a couple hours. Not six or seven.

....... I wouldn't have to hide any snacks that I didn't want to share with anyone.

....... I could sleep naked. (Its Arizona. Temperatures to rival the fires of Hell, even now. Electricity costs are on the rise. Nakedness would be much loved at night. *sigh*)

Oh yes. All of those things would be absolutely lovely.

However..... if I didn't have my boys, I also......

....... Wouldn't have the quality of artwork that graces my fridge or my office cubby walls.

...... Would never have known I could laugh myself silly over words and phrases like "knee-pits".

....... Wouldn't know the sheer joy that comes from a hug freely given by a teenage boy. Or the warm fuzzies when he lays his head on your shoulder while watching a movie.

....... Wouldn't have remembered how much fun roasting marshmallows or eating animal crackers can be.

...... Wouldn't have at least two people in the world that I can count on and know deep in my heart to love me completely unconditionally.

A few weeks ago, at the start of the baseball season at the high school, I met another one of the mom's for the first time. She's so friendly, that it honestly was a bit odd at first. At one practice, while we were sitting there watching our boys play, she asked a question of all of us there.

Don't you just love being a mom?

I'll admit it. I thought she was maybe just a bit off her rocker. I mean, c'mon. These boys were in high school, and we were all way past the original wonder of mommyhood. But that question has stayed with me. It runs around and around in my head when I'm least expecting it. And I find myself thinking about it more and more. And realizing that my answer to this very simple question has changed my outlook on so many levels.

Yes, I love being a mom. There really isn't anything in this world I love more. And as soon as that hit me, I realized the absolute truth of it. Everything I do, every choice I make about life..... its all for my boys. And, the thing that really made me stop and think..... I don't resent that fact. Not at all. And I really thought I would, at least a little.

I was sure that I'd be bitter that I don't get to go out and be irresponsible. I'm not.

I was sure that I'd be resentful of the cooking, cleaning and laundry I have to do. No. I'm not. (Although that doesn't mean that I enjoy any of those things anymore than I did a few weeks ago, either.)

I thought for sure I'd at least be upset over the lack of funding we are currently experiencing, which has lent itself to Coach and I not getting a date night that we don't have to save up months for. But I'm not. I love giving my boys what I can with the little extra I'm sometimes able to scrape together.

So it all boils down to this. If I didn't have my boys, I wouldn't be a mom. And I absolutely, positively, 100% love being a mom. It's both what I am and what I do. Its what I live for and what drives me to be a better person.

I wouldn't have it any other way.


Stella said...

Most days I would 110% day I love being a mom. Then there are the days we all have when we long for the solitude of our couch and our house and our TV that does not have Nick jr. or Noggin on it!
But, like you, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Flea said...

Ooo. I've never liked sleeping naked. But I like your lists. And you're still intelligent, even though your sons are coming to an age where you know less daily.

Date nights? What is this of which you speak? Kidding. We sometimes eat dinner with the kids, then head out for frozen custard, then sit in the truck and catch up with each other. It's enough for now. One day - ONE DAY! - a date will be a real dinner and - wait, what does one do on a real date again?

Karen said...

I love being a mom, too. There are times I'd love to have a body back (and brain cells, and time of my own...) but we're so happy with who we are. And the kids make every day just a little sweeter.

Cecily R said...

Oh, you made me all misty again!! I'm so with you on this. There are things that I miss, but I wouldn't trade them, even on the bad days!

Amy said...

I loved this, especially from the perspective of having older kids.

BTW - My sister in law was the designated driver when I first met her. I assumed that she didn't drink. We had so much fun with her (as the designated driver) because she has no inhibitions. Eventually I found out that she does drink. Since finding that out, we have had several girls nights (just her and I) drinking away. Taxi's make good designated drivers too.

Shellie said...

Oh, me too! Being a mom is the ultimate experience! As for sleeping naked in Arizona, it's great too but don't do it if you're in a brand new home that is getting detail work done on it still. My grandad accidentally walked in on a naked sleeping lady when he went into a supposedly empty home to do work. He exited ever so fast!!!

jennifer h said...

I miss sleeping naked too. Especially here in AZ.

I would have thought that mom was off her rocket, too. And I probably would have had to open up a discussion about all the other things women do that make them interesting.

And I would have missed the whole point.

I'm glad you didn't. This was lovely.

LunaNik said...

Great post. And yes, being a mom has been the most wonderful thing to happen to me also. My kids are my life, my world, my entire being and I wouldn't have it any other way.