....... I certainly would have gotten more sleep this weekend. For that matter, I'd get more sleep all the time.
....... I most likely wouldn't spend so stinkin' much time second guessing myself or my decisions. Before Children (BC) I was actually considered an extremely intelligent person!
....... There is a very real chance that I would feel confident that my body could compete with the body on my brother-in-law's new girlfriend, and would not have hidden inside today while she was out at the pool in a cute little bikini.
....... I wouldn't worry about the example I set, and might feel more free to do things like go out partying and bar-hopping more than once every decade or so. (This is, of course, assuming that I'd be able to hold my alcohol better than I do currently. Right now, I'm everyone's favorite Designated Driver... which honestly? Gets old and has begun making me think its the only reason I ever get invited anywhere.)
....... I wouldn't be SERIOUSLY contemplating the idea of taking out a loan the size of a small country so Jock could get a personal trainer for football and baseball. Or justifying the expense by saying "Money spent now is money saved when he gets the scholarship to college".
....... Laundry would only take me a couple hours. Not six or seven.
....... I wouldn't have to hide any snacks that I didn't want to share with anyone.
....... I could sleep naked. (Its Arizona. Temperatures to rival the fires of Hell, even now. Electricity costs are on the rise. Nakedness would be much loved at night. *sigh*)
Oh yes. All of those things would be absolutely lovely.
However..... if I didn't have my boys, I also......
....... Wouldn't have the quality of artwork that graces my fridge or my office cubby walls.
...... Would never have known I could laugh myself silly over words and phrases like "knee-pits".
....... Wouldn't know the sheer joy that comes from a hug freely given by a teenage boy. Or the warm fuzzies when he lays his head on your shoulder while watching a movie.
....... Wouldn't have remembered how much fun roasting marshmallows or eating animal crackers can be.
...... Wouldn't have at least two people in the world that I can count on and know deep in my heart to love me completely unconditionally.
A few weeks ago, at the start of the baseball season at the high school, I met another one of the mom's for the first time. She's so friendly, that it honestly was a bit odd at first. At one practice, while we were sitting there watching our boys play, she asked a question of all of us there.
Don't you just love being a mom?
I'll admit it. I thought she was maybe just a bit off her rocker. I mean, c'mon. These boys were in high school, and we were all way past the original wonder of mommyhood. But that question has stayed with me. It runs around and around in my head when I'm least expecting it. And I find myself thinking about it more and more. And realizing that my answer to this very simple question has changed my outlook on so many levels.
Yes, I love being a mom. There really isn't anything in this world I love more. And as soon as that hit me, I realized the absolute truth of it. Everything I do, every choice I make about life..... its all for my boys. And, the thing that really made me stop and think..... I don't resent that fact. Not at all. And I really thought I would, at least a little.
I was sure that I'd be bitter that I don't get to go out and be irresponsible. I'm not.
I was sure that I'd be resentful of the cooking, cleaning and laundry I have to do. No. I'm not. (Although that doesn't mean that I enjoy any of those things anymore than I did a few weeks ago, either.)
I thought for sure I'd at least be upset over the lack of funding we are currently experiencing, which has lent itself to Coach and I not getting a date night that we don't have to save up months for. But I'm not. I love giving my boys what I can with the little extra I'm sometimes able to scrape together.
So it all boils down to this. If I didn't have my boys, I wouldn't be a mom. And I absolutely, positively, 100% love being a mom. It's both what I am and what I do. Its what I live for and what drives me to be a better person.
I wouldn't have it any other way.