Thursday, April 24, 2008

Honey....Some Things You Should Know

Dear Coach,

Yes, I know I've been remarkably awful lately at keeping you informed of what exactly is going on in our lives, and the lives of those important to us. Baseball season keeps us so busy, and you and I both know that it is a true rarity for us to be able to do more than wave and blow kisses as we pass each other coming and going. Dinners together are a distant memory, and I'm not sure we even remember what it means to cuddle these days. (And on a side note, dear? We probably need to get to that soon, as its getting ever closer to the Fires of Hell temperatures the damn Arizona summers bring on. And I've never been that into you all sweaty and gross. And I'm pretty sure you've never been that into me all sweaty and gross. I'm jes' sayin....)

So in a better, more valiant effort to keep you in the loop..... I'm here to tell you a few things I think I might have neglected to let you in on.

First, have you seen the kitchen? I can't find a counter top anywhere in there, and I know we had at least one a couple of months ago. Also, we seem to be missing every single fork we own. So I'm thinking we're going to need to learn how to eat spaghetti with a spoon.

The little dog is out of food. And, um... I think she has been for a couple of weeks now. I've just been filling her dish with the big dog's food. She likes it, but now that you know that, it probably explains the new level of energy she's been showing.

I believe we're having dinner with your mother this weekend. It was supposed to be lunch, but between baseball games for our boys, soccer games for our darling nieces, and Little League board meetings (oh yeah... I've got one of those this weekend, too!)... I think we end up way past the lunch hour.

Have we decided that we are going to be more ecologically friendly? The spiders are getting out of hand, and I'm guessing that means you haven't sprayed lately. Or is it that you're being money-conscious, and spider-webs make great sunscreens on the windows? Could you let me know? I'd like to be prepared next time one looks up at me with all eight eyes from the faucet I use to fill the dogs' water dish outside. I'd hate to accidentally kill some new pet of yours.

Also, have we decided to grow our bushes out front into trees? I'm all for more shade here, especially as it starts getting ridiculously hot, but they're kinda scratchy. And not very pretty. And the tree we do have in the backyard? Um, not to alarm you or anything, but I think it might be alive and steadily inching its way to our bedroom window. Or quite possibly the spiders have just strung webbing from the branches to our window, and its pulling them closer. Either way, its reaching for me every time I walk outside to the kennel.

If you do get an urge to look for the kitchen, try not to disturb the cereal bowls the boys have left there. I know that they look like they are just bowls filled with milk in solid form sporting a spoon for a handle.... but I've got it on good authority that they just possibly might be extra credit science projects. Probably best not to touch those until the end of the school year. (Although since that time frame coincides with the end of baseball season, maybe that warning isn't really necessary?)

Laundry is a continuing issue here, isn't it? For future reference, socks can be found in the dryer, your jeans can be located on the back of the sofa, your work shirts are all hanging up in the doorway to the laundry room, and your underwear *should* be in your drawer. If you can't find it there, check on top of the box that is still sitting in our closet. That's most likely where I was last seen with the laundry basket. Oh, and clean towels are probably going to be found in the basket sitting behind the sofa. Give 'em a good shake before you use them, as there has been an increase in flying dog hair these days, and those two hang out in the living room a lot lately.

Speaking of the dog hair, try not to disturb the getting-larger-by-the-day pile under the bar stool by the shelf unit, mm'kay? I'm pretty sure Bug is trying to grow his own pet. He'd be awfully heartbroken if you somehow got rid of "Spike".

The various food items you keep noticing in every room of the house? Those aren't being left there by careless, lazy children. Oh no. I'm trying a new foraging routine out. If we leave food out for them, they won't start up with the "I'm hungry, Mom... what's for dinner?" bit they usually pull when we get home from practice or games. If it works, I will have revolutionized the way parents everywhere feed their busy kids.

Heck, it might even free up a little more time to fit in yet another activity!

Love you baby!

Air Kisses and Ghost Hugs,

Sports Mama

PS: Your dinner is in the microwave. Of course, I think it might be the one I left for you a couple of days ago. Add a bit of water, it should still be ok.


Flea said...

What IS it about this time of year? It's insane! You've been to my house, haven't you? Those are my cereal bowls you're talking about.

Hope Coach gets his act together soon. :)

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Heh. I could copy and paste several paragraphs for use in my own house. The biggest difference is that the cereal bowls are in the living room. I don't know why, they just are.

Anonymous said...

HA! I could have written this post. Just not as well as you did. :)

Shellie said...

Oh I can so relate! Great post! It will be nice when your life gets back to normal crazy instead of crazy crazy, huh? Thanks for your comment on my blog, I'm glad we're not alone either on the sensory stuff. "You're not alone...say it one more time,I'm not alone...." I think moms at this point know more than half the doctors out there, huh!

Flea said...

Your Google ads are interesting: "Gay athlete - view photo profiles..."

Stella said...

We don't even play baseball yet and that's pretty much how out house is right now!

Cecily R said...

Hahahaha!! Jon should read this. I'm sure he'd rather stay blissfully uninformed though...:)

Where the heck do all the forks go??? Mine must all be with yours somewhere.

WE have cereal bowls in the kitchen on the counter AND in the living room.

LunaNik said...

HA! Love it. Especially the laundry bit and the missing kitchen counters. You're insanely funny chica.