Monday, April 28, 2008

Well, I'm Still Married

But I gotta tell you, it was a close one this weekend.

**CAUTION: Whiny and bitchy post coming up. Nothing is said to garner pity or extra attention, just to get the bile out of my system and maybe feel a bit better. Feel free to skip it and come back tomorrow. Still here? Consider yourself warned.**

Money sucks. Or, more specifically, the LACK OF money sucks.

The only things Coach and I ever truly argue about are our boys and money. When we're disagreeing over the boys, its an easier argument. I know that more often than not, I'm going to get my way. And when I don't, its ok too. Besides, I know that we both have their best interests as the root of our positions in the argument.

But with money? Oh... those are truly awful conversations to have. Well, not really conversations. A conversation is where two or more people are calmly talking about a given subject, politely letting each person speak and voice their opinions. Our conversations about our lack of money are nowhere near that definition.

At the root of it is the simple fact that we have none. Quite frankly, I'm not sure how we pay our bills each month. Probably something similar to robbing Peter to pay Paul, but since I can never account for where each penny each month has gone, I can't say for sure. We're eyeball deep in debt with not a whole lot to show for it. And most days, that's ok. While we might not love that situation, we deal with it. Because we have no other option.

But once in a while, I just want to sit down and cry about it, and have him just hold me and tell me it will all be ok. And that's not what happens. Because while that might be what I want, and it might be what he wants to give me.... apparently some wires get crossed in my brain. Instead of being loving and supporting, I get mean and combative. Which, good husband that he is, he gives right back to me. I just know its because he doesn't want me to be the only one who feels bad when its all over. I'm sure its because he loves me too much to let me suffer through that guilt on my own. Right?

Anyway, long story short.... we had a horrendous argument Saturday night. We sort of made up after a bit. Which really just means we set it aside to watch a movie with the boys. And then we went to bed, feeling alone on our respective sides of the damn mattress. Woke up Sunday morning, and proceeded to NOT talk to each other for a couple more hours.

And then we remembered that never does any good. So we talked, and reassured each other that we're important enough to each other to work through this field of quicksand, same as we manage to work through all the others we've been through. I know we'll end up with a stronger marriage for going through this.

But honestly...... isn't there some other way to strengthen this marriage? Some way that maybe involves lots of smiles and possibly a river of chocolate or two? 'Cuz this crap is gettin' old.


Flea said...

Yeah. You're my Hunny. Except I don't usually dish it out but clam up. He's told me before what you just said - when he gets combative he wants me to understand that he's in pain and tell him that. Hug him.

I'm so sorry that this hurts so much. It sucks. We're looking at selling our souls to side our house, so I really feel your pain right now.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Y'know, Mr. Husband and I argue about the exact same things. Mostly I'm right when it comes to the kid things (he who passes out drunk on the couch at 8:00 pm on a Saturday night cannot argue that point), but the money thing just goes round and round. I'll yell at him for wasting money then ten minutes later buy something we don't need and vice versa. Ugh.

Rockin Austin said...

Money just sucks when you don't have it. Sorry you had a horrible fight, but good for both of you for moving beyond it. That is what's important. And if I run into a truck load of cash I'll send some your way...Love ya.

Rockin Austin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stella said...

When you figure it out, let me know! We're big money fighters too. Every 8 or 10 months we're just big fighters. As much as it sucks, it does make it stronger. And really, I wonder about those people who never fight, never have an argument, never "discuss". You can't possibly agree ALL THE TIME!

Jen said...

Glad to know that we are not the only ones who fight nasty about money every few months or so. I guess it's good that we remind our hubbys that we aren't filthy rich and they need to scream at us that they know, etc., etc. I offer my husband the bill-paying hat and he never seems to accept that offer.
ha, I win! ;)

Anonymous said...

Money is the root of all evil. Really. I hear you. We have none, and it sucks. Debt, check. Money problems, check. But hey, since you can't pay the bills anyway, you should plan a trip to Michigan so we can go out to dinner and whine together!!! :)

Karen said...

I think those are the things everyone fights over. The kids matter too much to just let well enough alone, and the money thing is ongoing. There's just never enough. We need that economic stimulus every month!

Shellie said...

I wish we could argue about money but the other half really doesn't want to talk about it anymore. Money is probably one of the most frustrating parts of life, and so hard to manage. I just set everything up on bill pay and crossed my fingers when the twins were born. I'm now trying to dig us out of our hole.

Cecily R said...

I'm sorry I am so darn behind. I wish you would have called me the other day when you thought about it. Not that I have any real solutions for this problem, but we could have chatted.

Money is one of the only things Jon and I ever fight over too. I hate it. I hate stressing over it and I hate that it rules so much of our lives.

What I admire about you and Coach is that you DID put things aside and hang out with your boys. To me, that all by itself says volumes about you as parents and as a couple.