**CAUTION: Whiny and bitchy post coming up. Nothing is said to garner pity or extra attention, just to get the bile out of my system and maybe feel a bit better. Feel free to skip it and come back tomorrow. Still here? Consider yourself warned.**Money sucks. Or, more specifically, the LACK OF money sucks.
The only things Coach and I ever truly argue about are our boys and money. When we're disagreeing over the boys, its an easier argument. I know that more often than not, I'm going to get my way. And when I don't, its ok too. Besides, I know that we both have their best interests as the root of our positions in the argument.
But with money? Oh... those are truly awful conversations to have. Well, not really conversations. A conversation is where two or more people are calmly talking about a given subject, politely letting each person speak and voice their opinions. Our conversations about our lack of money are nowhere near that definition.
At the root of it is the simple fact that we have none. Quite frankly, I'm not sure how we pay our bills each month. Probably something similar to robbing Peter to pay Paul, but since I can never account for where each penny each month has gone, I can't say for sure. We're eyeball deep in debt with not a whole lot to show for it. And most days, that's ok. While we might not love that situation, we deal with it. Because we have no other option.
But once in a while, I just want to sit down and cry about it, and have him just hold me and tell me it will all be ok. And that's not what happens. Because while that might be what I want, and it might be what he wants to give me.... apparently some wires get crossed in my brain. Instead of being loving and supporting, I get mean and combative. Which, good husband that he is, he gives right back to me. I just know its because he doesn't want me to be the only one who feels bad when its all over. I'm sure its because he loves me too much to let me suffer through that guilt on my own. Right?
Anyway, long story short.... we had a horrendous argument Saturday night. We sort of made up after a bit. Which really just means we set it aside to watch a movie with the boys. And then we went to bed, feeling alone on our respective sides of the damn mattress. Woke up Sunday morning, and proceeded to NOT talk to each other for a couple more hours.
And then we remembered that never does any good. So we talked, and reassured each other that we're important enough to each other to work through this field of quicksand, same as we manage to work through all the others we've been through. I know we'll end up with a stronger marriage for going through this.
But honestly...... isn't there some other way to strengthen this marriage? Some way that maybe involves lots of smiles and possibly a river of chocolate or two? 'Cuz this crap is gettin' old.