I Find Myself Drowning in Testosterone

I'm finding myself both proud of, and freaked out by, how good-looking my oldest son is these days. On the one hand, it certainly is validation for the last (almost) 15 years of being convinced that he's one of the best looking kids around. On the other, this is my SON. My firstborn. My starter baby. The one I'm still growing up with. (Think about that one..... with Bug, I can usually have at least a small sense of having "been there/done that" about most things. But with Jock, each new experience is new to BOTH of us. As he grows, I grow, too. And yes, occasionally I have supremely profound moments.)

We were all at the ballpark a few weeks ago. I was off doing something Little League Board-ish, and Coach and the boys were walking around. Later, Coach relayed this story to me. This girl who (according to Coach) looked to be somewhere around 14-16 (he can't really tell these days) was sitting with people assumed to be her family. As my guys walked past, Coach noticed this girl was watching Jock.... staring after him, actually. After the three of them passed this family, a little boy of about 6 years old or so came running up to Jock and asked him Do you have a girlfriend? Jock looked down at this kid, said No, why?. To which the kid replied My aunt wants to know. And then he pointed to the girl who had been staring after him. Jock apparently blushed a bit, gave a half wave and a semi-smile to her, turned around and started walking again towards the truck. Without looking back, he called to his dad and brother to hurry up.

Anytime we go anywhere in our community, such as the gas station, convenience store or a restaurant, we run the risk of some girl he goes to school with running up to him and hugging him or something like that. Once, it was actually Jock who snuck up behind the girl, tickling her. At which point she turned around, squealed his name, and threw her arms around his neck.

I've even heard girls whispering about how "hot" he is as we walk through the grocery store!

WTH?!?! That's all I can say. WTH?!?!

Don't any of these girls see me standing there?? (Or in the case of the girl at the ballpark, didn't she see his dad and little brother??) Does the atmosphere that surrounds anything riddled with teenage hormones render anyone over the age of 18 invisible? Do they just not care? And while Jock would like to have you all believe that the reason these girls lose any semblance of sanity around him is solely his awesomeness.... I'm realistic enough to know that while my son is cute, he's not Adonis in the flesh. So what is it? Can anyone out there with more estrogen in their house clue me in here?

Yes, I'm proud of the fact that he's so cute and popular. Would I still be proud of him if he were a non-athletic, geeky looking little guy? Absolutely. But I am still glad he actually has other options to spending all his time with his parents and his little brother.

Which is why I'm freaking out. I remember being his age. And the memories aren't that fuzzy, either. Again, that's why I'm freaking out. I'm sure I'd freak out less if he spent more time here with us and less time flirting and flitting around.

So would I rather be proud and freaking out, or proud and still able to hold onto my baby?

I guess I'd rather be freaking out. It means that I've given him the strength of heart and belief in himself to spread his little wings and venture out into the big, wide world. He's independent and confident. Just a little cocky and a lot charming. And he's got the girls eating out of the palm of his hand.

I'm just hoping I have a chance to recover before I get to start freaking out with Bug.