Random Teenage Verbal Vomit

Don't you just love that title?

Anyway, tonight was a milestone of sorts. If you're one of those moms who look at each new "first" as a milestone, no matter how old your child is. Which, as we all should know by now, I absolutely am. No surprise there. And, if you're paying attention, based on the title, tonight's milestone involved Jock. My oldest child, and yet my baby. He's my guinea pig and the learning curve on which all my parenting decisions are based.

Tonight was the first boy/girl party. Though not technically a "party", as they all were gathered just to watch a movie and play games on the Wii at the hosting house. Regardless of the activities planned, it was still a mixed gender gathering not at a school event or a large, public arena. Needless to say, I was a bit freaked out by the whole thing. (Have I mentioned I don't believe I'm quite ready for this whole "parenting a teenager" gig?) There were going to be girls in the same room, on the same sofa, in the dark, with my son. My baby. Who I don't want to imagine being on the sofa in the dark with ANY girl.

That being said, not only did I let him go, "Mom's" was the chosen taxi service for the evening. Picture my Xterra, filled with four teenage boys. Saying things like:

Dude, when you wake up in the morning, do you ever just hold your eyelids open until your eyes water?

So even though he (*names will not be used to protect the assumed innocence of these minors!) has TWO other girlfriends, did you see him with that blonde chick from *The Rival School*? Yeah, he got tongue tonight. (Really? At this one it was all I could do not to laugh out loud hysterically!)

Yeah, so I'm working out. Lifting weights. You saw Will Smith, right? (They watched I Am Legend tonight) That's what I'm gonna look like. (At which point I chuckled again. See, this particular boy is almost 6 feet of tall, skinny white boy. I just couldn't imagine that.)

Loved those man-laws we created tonight. Man Law #4: There is no crying in the locker room.


So you see why I was so amused tonight? That almost made me forget that my baby is one of those teenagers. A teenager who didn't seem shocked, surprised or disgusted by the thought of "tongue", just that this boy was apparently playing three different girls my son considers friends.

When did this happen? I feel like all I did was blink, and I missed his childhood. Rationally, I know I didn't. I can remember all sorts of "milestones" in his life. Not the normal milestones, although I remember those as well. No, I'm talking about the random "firsts". The first crush. The first real girlfriend. The first heartbreak. The first group "date". And now the first party.

I know my baby is growing up. He's closer to a man now than a baby. As was pointed out to me by someone I'm not mentioning... he's only 7 years away from a societal acceptable age for marriage. I'm just not ready. And honestly? I'm not sure I ever will be.

So while I don't make a habit of holding my eyes open until they water, just keeping them open to watch him grow gets the same reaction.