By now I'm pretty sure you all know how much I adore my kids, right? They challenge me, they encourage me, they give me hope and they break my heart. They amaze me, they make me laugh and they bring me to tears. They are the driving force behind anything I do and any decision I make. They are the two greatest joys in my life. And occasionally, I get to see how incredibly caring and thoughtful they can be, how fast they are growing up, and glimpses of the wonderful men that they will become.
Jock treated me to the full gamut tonight. Before school got out, he had decided he was going to do both the summer football program, preparing with the JV for the fall; and the summer baseball program. We'd already paid for football camp, and I was waiting to hear from him on the cost of baseball. Since I hadn't heard anything from him yet, I've been assuming that it hasn't started yet. I've been assuming incorrectly, it appears. I found out from another mom tonight that the first summer ball game is tomorrow night. So I texted Jock (yes, I've caved here. Its the best way to actually talk to him when I'm not at home.), asking about it. He sent back that he had decided not to do summer ball, after all, and was sticking with just football.
Me: What? Why not? You really wanted to do this.
Jock: The cost. We don't have the money.
Me: Did we talk about this, and I don't remember? Or did you just decide on your own?
Jock: I just decided. I wasn't going to say anything to you guys if you didn't ask.
Me: Honey, you know if you really wanted to, we'd find a way.
Jock: No, its ok. I've got next year.
Now, to fully understand why that conversation hit my heart so hard, you need to know that I lost my job yesterday. I'm not going to say much about it here, because there are some things about the entire situation that I don't feel were right, and until things are resolved I'm not going to put it out for the whole internet to see. But losing that job puts us in a really bad situation. If I don't get a new job by the end of this month, we will be in immediate danger of losing a lot of things; not the least of which will be the house. I don't tell you this to get sympathy, but so that you can appreciate why it makes me get all teary eyed over Jock voluntarily stepping back from something he loves. Without being asked. Without being subconsciously manipulated into choosing the less costly option. We hadn't even talked about it. If we had, Coach and I would have reassured him that we would make sure baseball was paid for. My beautiful boy chose not to put his dad and I in that position.
If he wasn't a teenager suddenly allergic to mom-saliva, I'd kiss him for that. As it was, I just sent back a message:
You're a really great kid, you know that? I love you!
To which he replied: I know. :) And I love you too.
I will never know what I did to deserve this kid, but I'm so incredibly grateful... EVERY DAY... that God felt our hearts and lives were the perfect place for him.
Now if only he'd stop picking on his brother........