I've debated for a few days over posting this. I mean, my mom reads this blog and certain things might be a little cringe worthy. However, I've come to the conclusion that when something happens that involves one of my boys, Coach and I....and is such a great moment that it keeps replaying in my head like its on a continuous loop of instant replay.... well, then it must be blogged about.
A few nights ago, when Jock was working on the dreaded English paper, I caught him texting someone. Thinking it was the girlfriend, I told him to tell her he was doing homework and he'd call her later. Turns out it wasn't her. Apparently, they had broken up earlier that day.
Me: Dude, I'm sorry.
Jock: Nah, no big deal. When she texted to say she wanted to talk to me after class I kinda figured that was going to happen. Besides, it really wasn't gonna work anyway.
Me: Why do you say that?
J: Well, she didn't want me to tell you, but she's BI.
Me: Oh.... she told you that? (and I will point out here that I was extremely calm for this entire conversation.... I didn't even do the typical "double blink" thing)
Me: Well, for the record, I wouldn't have held it against her. Its not like its a choice she makes or something. A person is what they are. If she had cheated on you with a girl I'd have been just as upset as if she'd have cheated on you with a boy.
J: Well, she told me that she's gone farther in relationships with girls than she has with boys.
Me: Um...so does that mean she was breaking up with you because you wouldn't do something she wanted?
J: We didn't do anything, Mom..... so I have no idea.
Me: Well, honey..... if she broke up with you for a girl, there's really nothing you can do about that. You can't compete with that....you don't have a vagina.
Coach: (you knew he'd have to make an appearance here sometime) Son, guys for generations have been trying to figure out how to get one of those. It's a losing battle.
J: Meh.... I wouldn't even want one. They seem like entirely too much trouble.
And he went back to his homework. Wrote a pretty decent English paper. And went to bed.
In all of my dating and breakup experience, this was never one of the issues. Its not often your kids experience something you didn't ever go through, but this one topped anything I had. I have to say that I'm proud of him. He was very open minded about the girlfriend being out of the "norm" when it came to this issue. Now I realize, he might have been having typical guy thoughts on this one, but he honestly didn't seem to care one way or the other. It seemed to him that it was no different than finding out she was a redhead rather than a brunette. It just .... was.
And it makes me feel better, knowing that my belief that our relationship is open enough to talk about anything has been justified. I can't imagine having that conversation with one of my parents, and I don't know that they would have known how to talk to me about it. It just wasn't an issue back then. But Jock sat right there at the kitchen counter, and calm as you please said the statement "She's bi."
Personally, Coach and I think she's really probably actually full on lesbian, but at her age isn't quite comfortable with that idea yet, so is dating boys to prove she still likes them. And when Jock wouldn't do more with her, she decided to move on to the next one to try to validate herself. Eventually, I think Jock will come to that realization, too.
And, his self-esteem being at the level it is, I'm pretty sure he'll be ok with having been used like that. And I'm hoping he'll be proud of himself for not giving in and going further than he felt right about. I know I'm proud of him for that.