Thursday, January 10, 2008

Snakes and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails**

And bumps and bruises; scrapes and scratches; and scabs and scars on your shins you can never explain.

THAT'S what MY little boys are made of.

If I didn't know with 100% certainty that I was not abusing my child, I'd have to wonder. To look at Bug's legs from the knees down, you'd think he'd been in a constant battle for the last several years. Basically since he learned to walk. That boy's legs are covered in various scrapes, scratches, bruises and scars from who knows how many skateboarding and bicycle stunts gone wrong. Excuse stunt development.

And he's proud of each one. In fact, if pressed, he could probably tell me how he got most of them. However, since I often prefer my ostrich-like existence, I don't ask anymore. I just clean up the blood, drown it in peroxide, slather it with Neosporin, and slap on a bandage. Then he's up and out the door, ready to tackle his next stunt attempt.

Jock isn't much better. The only difference now is that instead of the scratches and scrapes, he comes home with bruises the size of helmets or baseballs. Actually made by helmets and baseballs.

You know what? Coach isn't any better than the younger boys. Only the damage to him is usually *not quite* deep enough to require stitches. You see, this boy is big enough to play with the sharper toys.


There simply isn't enough sugar and spice in this house. I'm it. And if you ask the slugs I'm either married to or parenting, there are an overwhelming number of days when, quite frankly, there is NO sugar or spice in this house. And as those silly little sugar substitutes are not allowed, they have had to learn how to adapt.

Or duck and run for cover, as the case may be.

Wish them luck.


**according to the Google search I did, this has been a fairly popular blog post title. However, I was too uninspired to change it to something else.


Amy said...

You are extra sugary and spicy, so that counts for something, right?

Sue said...

You google your titles? LOL!

Paul had a rough night at work the other day. His hands and arms are all scratched up. Frankly, it look like he got into a nasty fight with a feral cat.

And the boys...pssshhhh. It's amazing any many live to become adults.

Flea said...

Sounds to me like your boys are plenty spicy. :) Mine are always in the same condition. But more of the tree climbing and being attacked by Brian, the backyard rabbit (in the old days) variety. Only one has needed stitches, though, and that was my fault. :)

Karen said...

Boys are so fun, arent' they? And no matter what they say, the mama is always full of enough sugar to even things out. Just slip up to them in public and give them a kiss. That sugary enough?

The Sports Mama said...

Amy, I can only WISH it

Sue, I only Googled this one to see if I had the nursery rhyme correct. :) I don't usually!

Flea, Bug hasn't needed stitches yet, but Jock almost took off the tip of one of his fingers once in his bike chain. :) And Coach is forever cutting himself open at work. (He's a delivery driver for a sheet metal company.)

Karen, when I try to give them a PDA (Public Display of Affection) they act like my kisses contain acid or some other poison (like Batman's Poison Ivy character) and it will melt their faces off. :)

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

My husband is living at the opposite end of the spectrum. I'm not very girly, but the Toddler takes being a girl very seriously. Mr. Husband was not impressed nor amused by her painted nails last night (which she of course shoved in his face 5,000 times while yelling "PRETTY!"). Both dogs are also girls, so there is a whole lot of sugar and spice in our house. Most of it is on the kitchen counter in Christmas tins, but there is still a lot.

Do they all know how lucky they are that you enjoy sports? Seriously. They better appreciate that fact 'cuz it's rare!

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

You fight the testosterone with some estrogen!! I'm so with you. I keep saying it looks like we beat the kid with a hammer. And, you just watch as he falls & gets another.

Totally did it. I left your music on while I folded laundry. I'm just going to take the laptop to the gym & make you my Ipod.

Amy said...

I am stopping by again to let you know that I recognized your fabulous blog on my recent post, come check it out.

Don Mills Diva said...

I only have one son and he's only two but I already feel outnumbered the way they wrestle and just generally act like guys! Just discovered your blog and I love it!