Sunday, September 21, 2008

The Other Woman

My husband has been sneaking around behind my back, and he didn't think I knew about it. But I ask you, how could I not notice? He stops there on his way home from work several days week, making up some ridiculous reason to give me. He'll go several times each weekend. He even gives up precious Sunday afternoon football time to go over.

And when he gets home, he's absolutely appalling. The look of sheer joy on his face could render me speechless (if I wasn't so darn chatty!). And don't even get me started on the amount of money he's spent doing this! Did he think I wouldn't see it on the bank statements? And really, even the most oblivious wife will eventually stumble across something secreted away in a corner of the garage.

He really hasn't even made that much of an effort to hide it from everyone. Everyone knows. Heck, his brother's been doing it, too! And everyone seems to think its ok. Or at least, it's nothing anyone raises a stink about.

And really? Why should they? After all, The Home Depot can be just as fun for a woman as it can for her husband!

So when we were walking down the isles there this afternoon, and he kept stopping to look at one thing or another, I had to keep telling him it just wasn't his turn to get new toys.

Coach: I know. (*cue sad, puppy dog eyes and pathetic sounding voice) But do you know how long its been since I've been here???
Me: Dude, its only been a couple of weeks. Max.
Coach: Yeah, I know. But it feels like so much longer.

And here I've spent the last 16 years harboring the delusion that I was the great love of his life.


Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Please tell Coach that Mr. Hallisicle, a manager at HD, thanks him for having this affair!!

Hallie :)

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

My husband would go to Home Depot EVERY DAY if I let him.

Karen said...

A couple weeks?! And he's alive to tell about it? When we were building Lowe's was our Friday date night. Seriously. And we've continued the tradition.

Flea said...

My Hunny would haunt Best Buy and Game Stop that way if I let him. You have my deepest sympathy.

Anglophile Football Fanatic said...

Did he ever take the boys there for the daddy/kid projects? My son thinks HD is nearly heaven (can we say PR that WORKS) and has only the most positive connotations.

Kidzmama said...

I'm the "fixer" in our family and I NEED to have my fix at Home Depot often. Heck I was there this morning picking up two gallons of stain to spruce up our playset!

Cecily R said...

Heeeee. YOu make me laugh.

Naughty Coach! Did you smell the sawdust on his clothes and find spackle on his collar?

Shellie said...

OK, my husband has the same mistress. Whenever we can't find him, we look at Home Depot. It's so bad we call it Juan's Depot. :)Sometimes I meet him there and we are a threesome.