Tuesday, December 9, 2008

I'm Not A Doctor, I Only Play One On TV

What's that, Mom? You said the sky is blue? No, I don't think so. It looks more of a gray to me.

How can you possibly admire the clear sky? Don't you see all those clouds?

No. I'm not going to do it. You can't really make me, you know.


When did my teenager decide to adopt as his mantra I'm not really a jerk, I'll just play one for the next few years?

Jock has done almost nothing but argue with me for the last 48 hours. You might think I'm kidding, or exaggerating a little. No. Not even a little. Those last two sentences at the top? Have actually come out of his mouth in the last couple of days. Which brings up another good question: When did he get old enough, and big enough, to realize I can't MAKE him do what I want him to?

I know I'm fortunate, really I do. He's a good kid 99.99% of the time. That other teeny, tiny percentage of the time, he's only a puke to me. Which I suppose is a good thing, and I should be thankful for small favors. And even when he's being a puke, he's not nearly as disrespectful as he could be. I mean, he still looks me in the eye, doesn't interrupt me when I'm talking, and hasn't thrown out a solid I Hate You in quite some time. While he raises his voice somewhat on occasion, he doesn't outright yell at me, and he waits until I finish my sentence before he walks away from the confrontation. (That behavior, naturally, just begs me to follow him to his room and walk right in. Because I'm all about the invasion of teenage privacy. Especially if said teenager lives in my house, eats my food, and wears clothes that I have laundered. Because I don't do those things for just anyone, it stands to reason that those I DO do those things for have opened themselves up to my prying. They have been forewarned. They are most definitely aware of it, as I am not sneaky about my privacy invasions. They are probably counting the days until they move out, as that will certainly be one of the top five reasons they move. But I digress.......)

The latest round started out with daring to broach the subject of the wrestling team at the high school. The coach, who is also one of the Varsity football coaches, has been actively and aggressively recruiting Jock this season; even now that the season has already started. He's also Jock's weight lifting coach, which explains a little about why he might be thinking Jock would be a good fit. Jock is steadfastly refusing to even consider joining the team. Adamantly. Vehemently. Very, very, very strongly. Me? I don't think it would be a bad idea. I had the audacity to say that very thing to him. Obviously, he disagreed.

This teenage drama crap? Is killing me. I'm not sure how many nights I can be reduced to tears, because even though I know its a phase (and really, I don't doubt he loves me) it still hurts like a booger when he's a jerk to me.

And it can't be all that healthy to empathize with species who eat their young.


Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Like I said to you on Facebook, I just don't believe he could be like this at all. I mean, that kid looks like a saint!! :)

Just don't kill him. You CAN however think about what condiment you'd use to eat him, just keep those thoughts to yourself!


Karen said...

I feel your pain. I'm sorry. But just know that teenage girls are worse. If it wouldn't be wrong on so many levels, it would be a great time for them to marry. Think about it - they could put up with each other's crap while we sit back and watch them "know everything." And laugh.

And? I love that you have a full invasion of privacy policy. I, too, firmly believe in full invasion in my own home.

Burgh Baby said...

The good news is that you have his boogerness documented, so in a few years when he has grown out of that stage, you can remind him of it. It'll come in handy when he has kids and is complaining about the same sort of behavior, too.

Hang in there. It gets better. I mean, it has to. Right?

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

I just cannot WAIT for that phase. I might be drinking a little wine while I whine.

Hey it's Amy Shipp said...

I feel your pain sister! Thankfully, it is just a phase. Still annoying as heck tho...

Flea said...

SM, it sounds like there's something else going on there. Maybe sit with Jock, ask a couple of questions and let him spill his guts. I get those responses from my teens when I've asked a surface question or made an innocuous comment like that. Something's brewing, girl. Help him get it out.

Shellie said...

Welcome to adolescence and be glad it took this long to get to this phase. My DD was born in this phase. I have learned to not get all emotionally sucked up into it too much. I just make my statement, if she freaks I empathize and tell her she can think differently, it was just something to consider, and I quickly but nonchalantly walk away. If I'm lucky she doesn't try to follow me in order to continue the drama.