Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I Am A Horrible Mom

There are certain things you learn as a mother, things you learn to just not do. Want a holiday with no runny noses or pukey tummies? Simply don't comment on how healthy you all seem to be this year. Want to ensure potty training goes as quickly as possible, with the fewest amount of accidents? Just don't tell your mother-in-law how smoothly things are progressing. Want a truly beautiful family picture? Don't comment on how fortunate you are that your kids don't seem to be the sort that walk into flying footballs or forcefully kicked soccer balls.

Want to ensure that your teenager suddenly and heartbreakingly finds himself no longer in a relationship he was really happy in, with a girl he really liked? Just make sure the entire world, complete with all the Internets, knows how much you like that girl.

I got home from work tonight, and Coach asked me if Jock had filled me in yet about The Girlfriend. Now, I'm no dummy. When asked a question like that, I'm quite aware of what the answer will be. And still I went and asked Jock. Immediately. (Only taking just enough time to actually finish changing my clothes from work, because really.... what kid wants to talk to his mom while she's half dressed?)

Me: So.... what happened today?
Jock: With baseball?
Me: Sure, lets start there. And then work our way back to your girlfriend.
Jock: Well, she's not anymore.

Let me tell you that my kid is a master at delivering lines like that with very little emotion. It's freaky, really. And then he proceeded to tell me what happened. She was kind about it, I suppose. Telling him that he deserved a girlfriend who was better than she could be. She told him that he's really the perfect boyfriend, treating girls the way they want to be, and should be, treated. She told him everything but the real reason she was breaking up. Because really, who breaks up with someone because he's an absolutely awesome boyfriend? No, there's something else going on, and for whatever reason she's not being completely truthful. (I will say that I don't think it's anything awful, like another person is involved. But I do think that she's somewhere inside herself where she doesn't feel deserving of a great boyfriend.) When asked how baseball was later, he said it sucked. Because he couldn't concentrate. And my heart broke for him. Just simply broke. This wasn't like any previous reaction to losing a girlfriend. This one hurts him. When I went to tell him goodnight, I gave him a tight hug, holding him for a minute or two longer than usual, and asked him if he was going to be ok.

I don't know. Guess we'll see tomorrow.

All I can do in the meantime is to love him a little more, support him a lot more, and encourage him to focus on other things. Well, that and make his favorite dinner. Which I did, because the guilt over this just killed me.

13 comments:

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Poor Jock and poor Jock's mom. It's never easy.

He'll be fine cuz you've taught him well and cuz thankfully, teenagers are generally resilient.

But young love can be so tough. CJ never recovered easily.

Sending good vibes your way.

H

T said...

what do you mean you're a bad mom... for crying out loud I'm 100% positive that my parents never knew when I broke up with a guy unless my little sister remarked about how the phone cord was suddenly not permanently dragged through the hall to my bedroom...

nothing a few hugs and some good dinner (and some time) won't heal - good for you for providing 2 of the 3 :) (time has to pass on its own, nothing you can do about that)

Karen said...

Poor guy. I feel for him and you both.

But I also realize that this frees him up again.

Shedrow Queen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

I am so not ready for that part of parenting.

Flea said...

No guilt. No guilt, mom. It hurts like crazy right now, but somewhere down the road the end result is good. Oh how horrid it is right now, though. For both of them, I'm sure.

Cecily R said...

This is me with my bottom lip waaaaaaaay out. POor kid. I can't help but think though, how cool it is that he can and WILL talk to you about it. In my book, that makes you an awesome mom!

Kidzmama said...

Poor dude. Nope, you're a great mom. You didn't bring up all those heartbreaks you had and compared it to his situation. You sat, listened, and hugged. All good mom traits.

Jen said...

I am SO not ready for this! If any hussies break my baby's heart, she'll have me to deal with!

Ok, so I am all talk, but let those girls think that so they treat my boy well.

Cheryl said...

I know my boys wished that they had you for a mom!! Well they love me but lets be honest... I wouldn't have made them dinner!! J/K

raino said...

ah. poor guy. but you simply cannot call yourself a bad mom. who made him learn to respect women and be a good boyfriend? you.

Cool Gifts for Dads said...

I think we all have days where we think we're horrible moms. Your son had a tough break, but that happens in life, a lot. You're being a great mom by helping him learn to get through this in a healthy way. He'll thank you in the future for teaching him how to get through tough situations and disappointments.

personalized graduation gifts said...

If you were a bad mom, you probably wouldn't even be worrying about it. I've experience plenty of terrible parents, and you certainly don't sound like one!