Things I Have Learned As A Passenger In The Teenage-Driven Vehicle

So you all know he's driving. An actual vehicle, not just my sanity! And he has been now for almost four months. (Ack! That means he can actually get the real deal license in a little over two months!) Having been a licensed driver myself for quite some time now, I rather arrogantly assumed that there wasn't much more I could learn about driving. Turns out, apparently there are some things I still CAN learn, and they center mostly around being a passenger. Since I like you all so much, I figure I'll share these new nuggets of knowledge so that when it comes time for you, too, to be chauffeured around by your own teenagers, you won't find yourselves freaking out quite so much. You can thank me then.

--No matter how hard you press, that passenger side brake pedal will never just manifest itself and actually work.

--Holding onto the door, whether it's by the handle or with your arm out the window and actually holding the door, will not in any way help the vehicle stay on all four wheels while rounding a corner or a curve in the road. (No, for those of you who might worry, we have not progressed to actually tipping the truck onto two wheels or less. I'm rather hopeful that wasn't what he was trying to do, in any case.)

--Likewise, letting the thought actually take root in your mind that if you just reached out the window and pushed against the trees along the side of the road you might be able to put the vehicle in the center between the lines? Probably won't actually work, either.

--Sitting in the backseat rather than the front is much more likely to result in your carsickness.

--The rule that the driver gets to decide the radio station? Will probably backfire on you at some point, ensuring you end up listening to something you would much rather not have ever had burned into your ears. Word of advice? Either don't make that rule in the first place, or word it so that you have left yourself a loophole.

--Just because this teenager is grown up enough to be driving now does not mean that he is grown up enough to NOT use the phrase "It does not" in relation to just about everything that you tell him. Especially while driving. For example: "Dude, driving into the sun will make it really hard to see the tail lights of the car in front of you, so maybe give yourself a little extra stopping room." "It does not. I'm fine."

--Sometimes, after you know he's got the hang of things, its just better to sit there with your eyes closed. That might be the only way he will ever be able to tell you that you're not making him so nervous anymore. And hearing that? Will make you happier than you ever thought it would.